Cameron's Lost Soul

Chapter 2: "Pull through, please?"

        I woke up the next morning laying next to my big brother. I felt his hand in mine still. Tear were dry on my cheeks. He was still black and blue. Although he didn’t seem to look as bad he did yesterday I could deal with see him like this. I look over at the bed I was in and Nash was sleeping. Hearing some clear their throat I whip my head around briskly. Hayes was sitting at the foot of the bed.

“How long have you been there,” my voice cracked and sounded weird because I haven’t talked in forever.

“All night,” Hayes replied. “How about we go get something to eat downstairs?” He got up and walked over to me as if I were going to get up.

“No. Go ahead. I am staying with him,” I said resting my head down next to Cameron’s. This reminded me of when we were little and when I would get scared of the thunderstorms. I would run into Cam’s room and jump into his bed and squeeze him to make me less scared. Or when we were little and we use to have “sleepovers” in each others rooms over the summer. I miss him so much now a days. He is everywhere seeing everything and I miss him, but he is happy and that makes me the happiest person ever.

“Laura I don’t think you should-” Hayes said.

        “I am staying,” I said closing my tear filled eyes. A tear rushed down my cheek. I felt a hand wipe it away. I open my eyes and look at Cameron hoping to god it was him. It was just Hayes. He fakely smiled at me trying to get me to cheer up. Hayes just turned and walked away. I started to doze off again thinking about things we would do when we were little. I dreamt of Cam never ever waking up, him dying in my arm, him waking up and not remembering me, him waking up and hating me and the one that stayed with me and made me wake up Cam waking up and hurting me because he didn’t know who I was. I threw my body up as I woke up from Cam hitting me in my dream. I prayed to god that he would wake up and that he would be fine, that he would remember me and everyone, that he wouldn’t die, and that he would just hug me when he saw me first. I look over and see Matt leaning up against the wall. He watch me wake up in a panic.

        “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah just bad dreams. A lot of bad dreams,” I replied.

“I know. I got them last night.” Matt said looking like he was about to cry.

“Where did you guys go? Did you go back to the hotel?” I asked playing with Cameron’s hand.

“No, we stayed. We would never leave,” Matt said.

“Thank you,” I said.

“How about we talk a little walk?”

“I can’t lea-”

“Laura you have been in here for too long. Cam wouldn’t want you in here any longer. You need to eat something too. Let’s go.” Matt insisted walking over to help me off the bed without hurting Cameron even more. He held my hand as he walked me out of the room for the very first time. We walked over to the elevators and pressed the button to go down. There was a cafe off the lobby. We walked out and the windows let in sunshine. I haven’t felt the sunshine on my skin in hours. I didn’t deserve this sun. Cameron does not me. I wish it was me in that bed, not him. I would do anything to switch places with him. Matt held the cafe door for me. I looked over the menu. Somethings sounded good, but didn’t smell as I imagined. I just grabbed a box of untouched salad and a little pack of carrots. I payed and sat down with Matt. As I sat down and placed my food on the table, Matt gave me a funny look.

        “When I said you need to eat something, I meant real food,” He laughed.

“I am not that hungry,” I said. I sat and started to munch, it felt weird eating. I stared blankly at the table lost in thought. Cameron should be eating this not me, he deserves it. I related everything back to him and how it should be me in that bed and not him. Matt just kind of looked around. “I am sorry Matt. It’s not you. It’s just Cameron. I can’t wrap my head around this. It doesn’t feel real.”

“I get it. I know. I don’t want to except it.”

“So did he see you guys?”

“Yeah. I think it happened on the way back,”

“I hope I never ever have to deal with Cam being in the hospital again. Even though I know I will at some point.” Matt nodded with agreement. We talked and talked as we ate. Matt seems like a really sweet boy. I can’t think about him though. My mind needs to stay with Cameron right now he needs me and I need him. We later walked back up to the room I walk in and see doctors huddled around my brother. “What is happening! What are you doing to him?” I push my way threw the ring of doctors.

        “Ma’ma! You’re not aloud threw here,” It was too late I was threw and I saw what they were hiding from us. An emergency surgery. Cameron was laid on flat on his back while they made an incision above his left lung. “Security!” the one doctor continued as I broke down in front of my brothers open body. I felt someone grab me as I went to hit the doctors off Cameron. I looked with a tear blurred vision to scream in their face who ever was holding me back from my brother. It was Matthew.

“Stop!” I shriek weekly as he drags me out of the room. I start to shlug to the ground as I cried in Matt’s arms.  I turned toward him as he held me and I cried into his shoulder. As I sat on the floor outside the room I knew they were helping him but it looked like they were killing him. I feel like the only thing killing him is me.

“Everything is going to be okay. Okay?” Matt said helping me to my feet, hugging me, and stroking the back of my head.

“Okay.” I whimpered. I took a few deep breaths and exhaled. “Can we talk?” I ask him.

        “Of course. I will always be here for you. You are one of my best friends little everything. You have Cameron wrapped around your finger.” Matt said.

“And he has me wrapped around his,” I giggle wiping my tears. He was so nice. I am happy at least one of them is talking to me.

“So what’s up?” Matt asked, as we sat down in the little waiting room on the floor.

“I feel like this is all my fault. When we went downstairs before I felt that I didn’t deserve it. He does not me. I should be in that bed being poked at with a knife.” I finish looking at my hands as a tear falls into the palm of my hand.

“How dare you think that,” Matt said putting a finger under my chin to lift my face to look at him as I continue to cry. “I hope you know that you saying that would make Cameron probably cry, he would also want to kill you for it.” I laughed at the thought of how angry he would be at me for saying that if he were right here. I continued to tell Matt about what I was feeling. He made me laugh after everything I would say. He was really helping, how could I ever thank him. After Matt finished speaking I hugged him over the arms of the chairs in the floor lobby. Over Matt’s shoulder I saw all the doctor pour out of room 814. I jumped out of the seat and ran into Cameron’s room. I saw Hayes where Nash was last night. Carter was laying in the bed Nash was and my mom and Nash went down to eat. When I ran in the room Hayes jumped up and hugged me.

        “Hey,” he said quietly. Carter just waved, I mean I am not expecting the royal treatment when I enter a room but Carter has been the quietest of all the boys.  Usually the quiet ones hold the most in.

“Hi,” I replied and waved back. I sit on the bed with my brother and start to talk to him softly as if he could hear me. “Cameron, I need you to pull through. I know it sounds selfish but I need you to pull through for me, mom, Nash, Matt, Carter, Taylor, Aaron, Shawn, Jacob, Mahogany, Jack and Jack and Hayes. You need to pull through for you. I love you. I need you. I don’t know what I would do if I had to live without you. Please don’t leave us. We all need you. We all love you. Come back Cameron, because I love you to the moon and the stars and back 1 million times,” I started sobbing. I heard sniffles from some of the boys. Back one million times, I thought. When we were little we said that to each other every night. Sometimes we still do.         We all sat in the room in silence. I layed there with my brother just laying there. I felt helpless all my thoughts made me fall asleep there were so many. I had the same dreams; repeating. There were only flashes of new ones that were good. I can’t remember them. I woke up to a jerk of an arm. Looking directly at Cameron the second I open my eyes. He still wasn’t awake. I dreamt it. It was just a dream. That is what everything feels like a dream I thought hanging my head over Cam’s body as tears fell from my eyes.

“Please pull through,” I whisper continuing to sob.