Cameron's Lost Soul

Chapter 3: "A Lost Battle"

I gathered myself together. I wiped my tears away, fix my shirt, and stand up. I start to cry again as I walk towards the door. I look down and wipe my tears again, when my body collides with another.

"Woah!" the person stays grabbing me, almost caressing me. I look up almost kissing them, it was Matt. He laughed looking at my widened green eyes. I smile as my last tear runs my cheek. Matt frowned slightly and wiped away my tear. I smiled again. How could he be so sweet? I don't understand. I have kind of been a bitch and all he has been was nice. I need to stop thinking about Matt though. Cameron needs all my attention. I feel like I am betraying him if I don't have thought on him right now. My smile faded. I grabbed Matt's hand removing it from the embrace. "What's wrong?" He asked.

"Oh, nothing," I smile pulling away. I felt bad for being so rude but Cameron needs me.

"Okay. I will see you later," Matt said looking at me while walking into the room.

"Bye," I walk out. I went downstairs to find my mom. I walk in and she is sitting drinking coffee staring at the wall. "Mom," I say placing my hand on the back of her shoulder. She jumps looking at me. "where did you put the cloths?"

"Oh, just look around your brothers room." She says turning away. I walk away. I go back to the room and see Hayes sobbing over my brother. I frown and walk over to the bag in the chair next to the bed we have all slept in at least once. He didn't notice me. I kicked the chair by accident while picking up my change of cloths and Hayes threw his head up alarmed. He looked away from me wiping his tears. I walk over to him and hugged him while he cried on the floor. I hand him a tissue while I walk to the bathroom. I close the door change, play with my hair and fix my makeup. What am I going to do if I lose Cameron. I don't think I could live. I think I would end myself. No Cam wouldn't want that. I walk out of the room grabbing my wallet to buy a snack from the vending machine. I saw skittles. I love skittles. I pressed "B" then "3" and the skittles dropped off the shelf. I almost break my wrist on the door on the vending machine while grabbing my skittles. I started to walk away then I thought what if he wakes up? He would love some skittles. I quickly repeat the steps then run back to the room. My heart drops when I see Cameron the way I left him, all broken and bruised. What was I thinking? He isn't going to wake up. Hayes was still sitting on the floor trying to calm down. I sat back down next him tilting the skittle bag towards him as I ripped it open.

"Thanks," he said holding out his hand. I poured some skittles into his palm. We just sat and talked for hours upon hours. Over the past couple day we have become closer than I ever imagined. "Do you think he will wake up?" Hayes asked chewing on the rainbow. I opened my mouth to say something but the words didn't come out. I didn't know if he was to ever wake up. I couldn't respond. "I am sorry. I don't know why I am asking you this. I should just go," he started to get up. I grabbed his wrist to make him stay, and he did. He has really been here for me. The whole time. He has been giving me space, hugging me, cheering me up the most, supporting me, and talking to me a lot more then I realized. I just haven't acknowledge him at all. Why do I have to be such a bad person?

"Stay. Please, stay?" I ask. Hayes hugs me and this time I hug him back. He pulled away staring at me. I stare back. Then I start to smile. He kept looking at my lips, then leaned in towards me. I leaned in towards him, though I was hesitant. Hayes' hands cupped my face and he pulled me closer kissing me. My hand went to his cheek letting him know that I didn't want him to stop. I pulled away. That was not suppose to happen. I didn't deserve that. Hayes deserves better, but why would he kiss me? He probably has a girlfriend but just is under a lot of stress. I know how that feels. I looked at Hayes and he just stared at me with confusion then scooted away from me. I pulled him back cupped his face and kissed him. What am I doing? Do I like him? No, I can't now at least. He has a girlfriend I remind myself, not completely sure. Wait, I am sitting on the ground, kissing a boy, on the side of my brother's bed as he slowly dies. I pull away again. God, I am a terrible person.

"I am sorry. I just don't wanna hurt you. You don't deserve to be hurt by the trash in front of you," I say.

"I wouldn't mind." Hayes smiles.

"I would. I don't wanna hurt you Hayes. You deserve someone better,"

"There is no one better," Hayes says making me smile.

"I have and am being such a bitch though?" My smile fades.

"You aren't to me. Besides it's fine. I don't care if you are being a bitch or not. You make me happy, you are gorgeus, you are my sunshine and you mean the world to me. I couldn't find anyone better than you." Hayes hugs me. I just break down in his arms. I have too much on my mind. Cameron is dieing and I am getting into a relationship. I have never been beautiful to someone, and I have never made anyone happy by just being alive. Cam doesn't deserve to be abandoned like that. I feel like I am just running away from my problems. The thought of the boys just pretending to like me to keep me from doing anything bad to myself past through my mind plenty of times. I kinda feel bad about thinking that. Then again I feel it could be the truth.

"Hayes, I like you, I like you a lot actually," he blushed. "But I don't think I could let Cam down like this."

"Like what?"

"Getting into a relationship and just a abanding Cameron. I don't think-"

"You know that would just show him that you're strong enough to go on if he passed."

"No, it wouldn't. It would show that I am a terrible sister and Hayes I wouldn't be strong enough to go on if he passed."

"I love you so I am not going to push you to do something you don't-" I cut him off by kissing him. We pull away from the kiss and I smile at his lips.

"Okay." I wisper as my smile grows. He kissed me again. It has been seventeen days till the accident. I can't live without him, I am losing my battle. I walk back into room 814 after eating lunch. I have only gone home once. Mom couldn't stay here so she left to take care of the house a few days ago. I have been here for sixteen nights. The fourth night I tried to sleep at home, but there was a thunder storm and I was up all night crying. I didn't sleep. I have been sleeping here in the hospital in the bed with Cameron or in the bed next to him. The boys just sleep at the hotel and spend the whole day here. Sometimes they spend the night though. We spent the whole day in the room we didn't leave the room at all. The boys brought food to eat through out the day, as we just sat on our phones and laptops listening Ed Sheeran's new album on repeat. They keep me laughing, it's nice to have. But like everything else I do, I feel it should be me in that bed, broken, bruised, and bloody not Cameron. It was about 1am now. I was just staring at Cam like usual wishing, praying, begging, and swearing that he would just wake up. I saw his chest inhale and exhale faster and faster. I looked at his face and his eyes were open.

"CAMERON!" I scream in tears. I run over to him grabbing his hand, as he looks at me. Then his eyes closed and the heavy breathing slowed to the way it has been for the past seventeen days. "No!" I yell shaking his hand to get him to wake up again "NO, NO, NO, NO!" My tears are rushing down my cheeks. Hayes tears me off my brother. I run into the bathroom and sob. I turn on the sink so the boys won't hear me. I was thinking over if I should. I was in there for 20 minutes, just thinking about it. I lock the door and open the cabenit over the sink. I grab my leg razor, break it to get the blade and think it over. I go for it and the door opens. I turn imitately to see Hayes with his mouth open, and staring at the blade 3 inches way from my wrist.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Hayes screamed.