Unbound (Unbound, Book 1) ~Formerly Casting Power~

Chapter 6

"Can we get to the binding part?" Sitting at the island with my chin in my palms, I lifted my head with a smile as though we would skip everything else for a change.

"You know better than that, Nora." She turned the kettle on and faced me, smiling. Many people said that her smile eased their worries before she uttered a word and her voice was like a salve on an open wound.

Right now, I would do anything to be hearing another sound.

"What else is there to say that we haven't said before?" I sat back, my spine straightening. "I'm learning the Craft as you want. I've memorized the herb and gemstone properties you assigned just last week."

"Facts, Noreena." She poured the tea into two cups and sat on the stool across from me with an apologetic expression. "That's not all there is. You have so much more to learn, which we haven't begun to touch. You don't understand control. Unless you use your abilities, you won't be able to accomplish that."

Dread filled within me as the talk deviated from its usual trajectory.

"Learning about the Craft helps, of course, but it's only half the battle. There are so many facets to your abilities that you haven't discovered because you've remained bound. I can't teach you how to control something you haven't experienced through a lecture. Once you realize this, it will all fall into place. If you let it."

"Why does that matter if you—"

"Look at what's left of your closet and then ask me that question. To you, it's a reason to be bound. To me, it just proves how much you have yet to accept." She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, her face drawn. "Soon, I won't be able to help you. If you just give yourself a chance to learn how to use your powers, you might like using them. You can't hate something without trying it."

If only she knew how destructive what she suggested could be, she would never say that. Maybe, if I came clean about what happened, she'd be more understanding. I doubted it. If anything, she'd be disappointed that I hadn't told her four years ago, and I didn't feel like letting her down over anything else.

"If you stripped my powers, neither of us would have to worry about this again."

"I can't do that."

"No," I said and shoved my cup of tea away. "You won't do it."

"That's not true." She shook her head and then winced. "Well, I—it's a little true, but it's complicated. I won't strip your powers, Nora. In fact, after today, I will not bind you again."

"What?" I jumped down from the stool. It wobbled off balance but stayed upright. "We had a deal. I did what I promised."

"Sit down." She pointed to my vacant seat and I plopped down, the edge of my vision blurred by the tears pooling in my eyes.

I could feel it—her power—like the unleashed power inside of me was responding to her. It was betraying my free will and allowing her authority to reign. I hated the feeling. It was terrible, the lack of control, and just another reason to want nothing to do with magic.

"Why?" I asked, my voice breaking on the word. I didn't trust my emotions enough to look at my mother, though I could feel the heat of her watchful gaze. My world was falling apart, and I couldn't understand how she remained so calm and disconnected. She was supposed to be understanding, not just of the Craft but of me. It's what she'd always done.

"I can't keep doing this. Now that it's happening so often..." She shook her head.

I sucked in a breath and the first tear fell down my cheek, splattering onto the counter as a single drop. "It's not time to stop," I whispered. "If you don't do this, or even if you do it one more time, we both know it will ruin my senior year."

"You know, everybody, no matter their heritage, has some abilities within them. People like us are just more attuned to them. Look at Nancy. She would do anything to be so gifted, and you can't even see it."

"Like Jason last weekend?"

"If you had been able to control your abilities, you wouldn't have needed me to come and get you."

"Mom—"

"You are special. My biggest wish is for you to realize and accept that for what it is. If you were willing to work hard, you'd be more powerful than anyone I have ever met. You have that within you, Nora. That ability to be great."

Another tear fell from my face to land next to the first. I held my breath to keep from gasping as the dread crept up from my stomach, choking me.

My mother took a slow sip of her tea, not realizing my pain was more than stubbornness. "Maybe I could've stripped your magic years ago. Now, it's too late." She sighed. "I will bind you today, if you want."

"But?"

"But it's the last time. If this happens again, you will have to learn to live with them."

"You mean when."

"When, yes," she said and nodded. "If you manage to last until graduation, the binds will unravel. Either way, you will need to learn to control your abilities." She stood to put her cup in the sink, keeping her eye on her gold wristwatch. "I have a meeting at eleven, so we'll have to finish this later, okay?"

"What about senior year?" I looked up and met her gaze, no longer caring if she saw the pain escaping with my tears. In fact, maybe it would be good for her to witness. "Is senior year really the time for me to learn control? What if I blow something—or someone—up, just like I've done to my closet how many times? Three? Do you want me to turn into a murderer? I can just hear my defense in court: But I am being honest! I'm not crazy, uh, Judge... Sir. It's the power! Blame my mommy for not binding me?"

"Don't be melodramatic. You have only blown up your closet. You've never unbound yourself outside of your room because it always happens when you wake up—when you are not trying to reign it in. I trust you not to hurt anyone, even if you don't believe in yourself." She sighed. "This is why I say I'll do this if you want. You have all summer to figure it out. I would work with you every day, and I'm sure that Zach—"

"What? Zachariah would help me?" I scoffed. I hated the name almost as much as the man, who seemed homeless even though he was supposedly my mother's mentor. Personally, I didn't get what he could teach her when my mother was the one who everyone went to when they needed help. "Don't worry, that's not an option."

"Your energies would be better spent learning to control your abilities."

"Whatever, Mom. Aren't you late?" I looked back down to the counter, once again blinking away tears before she could see. "You say I'm uber-powerful, so I'll figure it out alone once you bind me again."

She came up behind me and placed both hands on the side of my head, leaning forward to kiss its top before whispering, "You were born to be great, and you are. Your gifts just make you unique."

I froze for so long, I jumped when the front door slammed shut with her departure. With my head in my hands, I rested my forehead against the counter of the island, letting the sobs I'd held in free until it hurt. I didn't know what was more frustrating: my powers not being bound or the fact that my mother thought I was great.

Both were impossible to live with.