sincerity is scary | t.chalamet

05

"I CAN'T FUCKING do it!"

sebastian sighed. he knew he should be patient with her, but patience was getting him nowhere at the moment.

sebastian had been her coach since for as long as cherrie could remember, he was like a brother to her in a way. he was one of the only ones that really knew the real cherrie marie parker- he had been a part of the parker family for long enough to do so.

"you can, cherrie. the show is in a few days- you cannot mess this up."

cherrie turned to him sharply, her face was pitched and had a hard glare painted upon it. her posture was tense and he could tell she was not happy.

though, she did not speak a word, she just turned away from him and started again.

sebastian was never quite sure what mood was worse- the profanity shouting, chair kicking and window smashing mood or the silent, sharp, pitchy face mood.

cherrie respected sebastian, she was one of the lucky ones with a respectful coach. he never laid a finger on her in a non consensual way
unlike a lot of dancers coaches she had heard about.

though, he was tough on her. he once told her that tough love was better than soft love. that soft love got you no where- but tough love got you lead roles, publicity and an amazing career. it wasn't often that he was soft towards her, but she was off at the moment, very off. he tried to be patient with the eighteen year old because she was really challenging him and well, he wasn't sure what to do at all- for once.

"this is bullshit."

the force in her shout echoed through the studio as it cut sebastian's eardrums. she spoke so sharply it was almost as if the sound did not leave even when the silence came.

tears glossed over in her eyes, her hands went up towards her head and her palms slammed against her hair, hard, repeatedly.
she was crouched down with her face screwed up mumbling incoherent words about herself.

"hey," sebastian spoke though she kept on, "hey! i'm talking to you- look at me when i'm talking to you." his words were soft but loud and laced with venom. her grass coloured eyes were filled with anger, vulnerability whilst her cheeks were red and tear stained.

"you're better than this, where do you get from crying? no where- you know this. now pick yourself up and have a breather. i want you back here in twenty minutes with a new attitude and tearless cheeks. you have a show soon, i need you to give everything you've got, okay?"

cherrie nodded curtly at her coaches words, she knew the harshness in them was out of love, not hate but it didn't mean it hurt any less.

over the years, cherrie marie parker had trained herself to show no emotion, to not let things effect her, to come across cold.

in reality, she was a sweetheart, she always was but because she was reluctantly thrown into this life at such a young age with the parents she has, she had to not come across pretty, and sensitive. vulnerability made her weak and she wanted to be strong.

after twenty minutes had passed, cherrie had sorted herself out and controlled her emotions, she stepped back into the studio and looked at sebastian to turn on the music. there, she danced gracefully, the way sebastian wanted her to dance- the way everyone loved her to dance.

her mouth was pierced tightly closed and her features were soft, but strong. she held herself with much confidence as she moved to the rhythm.

•

CHERRIE WAS LAYING on her front as her eyes flicked from word to word on the tea stained pages of the book she was reading as her plump lips would silently mouth the words her eyes were seeing. the room was silent, the only sound you could hear was the sound of cherrie flicking to the next page, or her giving out a little loud yawn.

a knock caused her to dart her attention towards the door and away from her book, "hey honey."

she smiled softly at the sound of her mother's voice as she widened the wooden door and entered her daughters room. cherrie got up from her position and sat cross legged on her white sheets, her perched her body on the side of her bed.

"how are you feeling?" she asked her daughter softly.

"okay." she whispered, "how about you."

her mother just smiled in response and looked into her daughters eyes, "you have a big day tomorrow, you should get some rest my angel." she tucked a strand of cherrie's hair behind her ear, her hand stroking her cheek softly after.

"will dad be there?"

she felt her mother inhale sharply at her question, she didn't need to look into her eyes to know that she was hurt by the four words, "i'd hope so, baby."

they sat in silence for a minute, before her angelina kissed cherrie's forehead and wished her a peaceful night sleep, leaving her alone.

cherrie tossed and turned all night, for she had millions of thoughts running through her mind. she was thinking about tomorrow and what the newspaper's would say the day after, she was thinking about her father- her mother. she was thinking about timothée's hair and how it bounced upon his head, just like the rest of him. she thought about how normal he was whilst speaking to her that night. her eyes wandered off to the sight of her mobile on her bedside table, her wiry fingers picked the black phone up and she unlocked it, clicking onto her messages.

it hadn't been long since they met, it had been only a day- but she wanted him to talk to her. she opened up his contact and started typing out a message.

hey! its cherrie. - no, that's not like me at all. hello! - nope. will i be seeing you at the show tomorrow? - nope, of course i won't be seeing him at the show, who goes to ballet shows that isn't pretentious? i wanted you to text me because i don't do this and i'm weird and abnormal and awkward despite the media thinking i'm an eighteen year old whore with no heart- no...? no. no, definitely not.

she sighed, closing down the app and placing her phone back down onto the wooden bedside table with a sigh.

she tried to shake the french-american boy out of her mind before it caused her any unwanted and uncontrollable damage to her, if she just forgot about him- everything would be just how it was before she had met him, she couldn't afford to destroy another innocent person.