The girl from nine (fix me)

Life is an understatment

Hi.
Yep,im writing in this again,however this will be the last time I use this account.
So,this book was useless and short.

My name is Ellie,parkinson,just under 7 months ago I attempted suicide.
And during those 7 months since.
I have completely changed my life around.

Yes,I still have depresshion and a lot of things too be stressed about,It won't just leave.
But I am,happy.
Yes I said it happy.
You know why?
Truth.
Truth is why I am happy.

For the past few years I have been living the lie that is myself.I've acted like I love girly things,I've been a full on emo and I've done all this too fit in too the way the portion of society ive been with and you know what,it's just not me.
It's not.

I am someone who enjoys a variety of music,yes mainly 'rock' but other genres too.
I like colour in my life,yellow and black being my favourite colours.
And most of all YouTube,YouTube is me.
I know that sounds stupid or whatever but it is,the two youtubers dan and Phil are my life and I'm sure everyone knows that.
They in the creepiest way ..helped me I guess?

My life is a life that deserves too be here,along with yours,you reading this.
You are you for a reason.
The amount of people who say you can't get better are wrong,you will never fully improve but you will get better,it just consists of sacrifices.

You have too open your eyes and figure out what makes you sad and upset and what helps you.
And all this time I was oblivious too my best friend who picked me up more then ever.
And we have never been closer right now.

I used too tell her nothing and that was a bad thing too do because all in all,she cared the most.
I know I said I didn't want too hurt her but I just hurt her more this way.

Don't get me wrong my other friends where great but let's be honest here,they didn't know me like daisy did,no homo.

i never mentioned these girls enough so ...Daisy and Lydia.

They haven't just given up on me they help me,if I'm having a bad day they will crack a joke and make me smile or anything.
They ..really helped.

I know they did something's when I was bad ,yes but it's because they where hurting.
I've talked too them about it and they apologised and I believe them after all,they did help me right?the joke they made is in the past.

i genuily am happy with what my life is now,not 100% not at all,i will never be there.

right now my biggest problem is anxiety,but im trying too get on top of that.

i have so much too be greatful for.

sammy thank you for helping me when you did,seriously..you really did help me when i was up at 4 in the morining crying...

ella,jade,chloe...you guys where the best and im sorry we arent as close,i hope too change that as i love you all so much...

2014 was the worst year of my life...

i lost my nan,lost friends,got bullied,attacked,went into hospital,school went downhill,breakdowns and i fell in love,which eneded in a heartbreak...but were okay now...hes moved on as did i...

i look at myslef now and i still hate myself,asmy friends no confidence is not my specialty...but hey ho im still alive....

and if i can do it so can you.

so thanks too my truckers,non truckers and family.

i made it too 2015,hey guess what..so did you!

so heres too a new year,im always here.

but as for this book..its broken192.

this is brokenchild192 turning of onto fixedchild192.

thank you for following my journy.

i love you...

tips too stay happy

.i have songs that cheer me up and you should try find some too,they help.

.get help

.vent

.draw

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