Sing!

I Love You So Much, It Hurts

'But Lyka, have you seen their Smule video together? I can see in that girl's eyes, he's all over Mark. Trusting him may not be enough if that lady's too obsessed with him, you know what I'm saying?' Lacey ranted over the other line.
'I trust Mark so there's nothing to be worried about and I believe he loves me enough to disregard flirts, erm, sorry, not flirt, but—'
'You. Should see. The video.'
'Fine, fine. For your peace.' I gave up on Lacey's persistence. 'But William is there and I trust him, so—'
'Just watch it already!' She insisted even harder.
'Okay! Okay. Calm down. I'll watch it this weekend.'
'No. Now. I'll hang up now so you'll do it now.'
'Alright.' I said as I rolled my eyes. Then she ended the call.
Lacey is a total stalker. Once I had told her about the girl on Mark's Facebook, she did all her best to find her on Smule, and she didn't fail. I guess I was a little bothered about that girl. I wasn't able to resist telling about her to Lacey. I called her during lunchtime today on the day I saw the tagged photo. Luckily Lacey was there to pick up my Viber call and she was there to listen about my dilemma.
I sat in a table at the office pantry and placed my lunchbox on it. I fidgeted on my phone and entered 'kittygirl' on the search tab on Smule. There was only one video in her account, where she had a video duet with Mark of 'Someday We'll Know'. I tapped play. I watched.
The first minute consisted of her doing subtle flirtatious moves. The rest showed a little desperation to catch Mark's attention, like she presumed that Mark would be attracted by her moves. This girl. Is a total. Flirt. My mind blurted the words. That's when I decided I'd hate her as long as she sticks around Mark. I'm not usually a jealous girlfriend, but Carrie, her name as shown in her Facebook and Smule profiles, seemed strong and is bound to break our relationship. I mentally thanked Lacey for convincing me into watching the video.

The remaining hours passed by and it felt like a boulder had been on my shoulder all the time. I tried my very best to focus on my reports, but I space out every now and then. It was a good thing that my manager was out for today for the company's incentive trip for the officers, and it was only my colleague who noticed my peculiar behavior. As the clock struck 5 I was quick to get out. I felt so pissed at myself the whole time. This isn't me, I told myself. I have to fix this.

Evening came. When I came home around two hours earlier, oddly there were no scattered mess at the living room, but my stepmother was asleep in the couch at the living room, with the television switched on to her favorite soap opera. And dad, in his favorite place— in his room, doing paperwork. Sometimes I wonder. Do they even talk to each other? They're in a relationship but I don't see them talk.
I slouched in the sofa in my room, deciding whether to sleep on Mark's video call or speak to him. I decided to skip tonight. I turned off the wifi on my iPad. If he sends me a message on Viber about not being able to be contacted, I'd let my response rely on my mind's rational mood, or just tell him I was too tired.

'Lyka, no!' Mark blurted from behind me.
'I'm sorry Mark. I just can't. You love her more. I must set you free.' I tearlessly said as I walk away with sadness.
'That's not true, you know that!' He screeched. My phone rang. I picked it out from my pocket. Wait, why does the screen show black? Isn't what I hear my ringtone? I told myself. The ringing kept going.
I felt something hard fall on my face. I woke up and found my phone on it, still ringing the ringtone in my dream. I held it up, realizing that there's someone calling on my phone in real life. It's Geneva. I hit the answer button.
'Geneva.'
'Hey, Lyka. Ben and I would like to invite you over a coffee day this weekend. Care to come with us?' She asked.
'Yes, yes! Sure! And a good catch-up weekend will be good. I have something to tell you.'
'Spill it now?'
'No. You need to wait. Plus I need to get ready for work now. I'm assuming you just finished endorsment with the previous shift nurses,'
'Yeah.' She chuckled. 'I'll send you the details thru text, 'kay?'
'Sure, sure. Is Ben with you?' I asked.
'He just left. He was on nightshift.'
'I see, I see. Alright, I'll be needing to get ready now for work. Thank you for your invitation. I'll wait for your text!' I said cheerfully.
'Alright, good luck!' She said before ending the call.

I went to the lavatory and washed my face. As I look at the mirror with my wet face, I recalled the dream I had just before waking up. Before I notice it, tears start rolling down my cheeks. Why am I crying? And why does my heart feel so hurt? I've never felt this bad before, not even in my previous relationships. Do I love Mark so much that it hurts? Is it the reason why?
I logged onto my messenger and sent a message to William. I need someone to talk to, I typed. Half a minute later I received a reply from him. You need to know something. I don't want to be a liar. Call me. He said. I pressed the voice call button on our conversation box and waited for response.