A to Z

She Will Still Torment Me, Calm Me, Hurt Me

Z couldn't explain why she did what she just did, but she knew it had to be done. Her walls were failing and she couldn't let that happen. She depended on those walls. They had kept her going during tough times, and they couldn't fail her now. She would go to school the next day and ignore A. She had to, for both their sakes. Z had seen how A depended on his walls, and she couldn't take that from him either. It broke her heart to leave his house that day, but she made her walls stronger and swore to never let them fail again.

* * * * *

A month passed, and A and Z became strangers in the hall. Z had regained her cover relatively easily, but A knew he could never go back to the monster he had been. He still skipped classes, but only because it was too painful a reminder of Z. A tried not to cause trouble in the classes he did go to, and he had left his girl-a-week habits behind him. Detention was the only place he felt safe, so he skipped classes and got detention almost every day. His grades were suffering even more than before, and his teachers were worried that he might fail out of school.

One day, during third period, A was sitting by the parking lot, staring into space with an unopened book in his lap. It was the last book Z had suggested him to read - A Tale of Two Cities - but he still couldn't bring himself to open it.

While he was sitting there, staring at the cover, his French professeur came up to him.

"That's a good tale, Adam," Professor Lightfoot said, "Have you read it?"

"No. I haven't," A said in a clipped tone.

Professeur Lightfoot sat down next to A, "You should. It is certainly an incredible story."

"Thanks Professeur, maybe I will," A said with some annoyance.

"Adam. You should really come to class. We miss you in there, and your grades are failing," the professeur said, "We wouldn't want to lose you."

A glared at the book with such ferocity that he could've burnt a hole straight through, "Not today. Sir."

"Adam, you are coming inside now. Whether you want to or not," Professeur Lightfoot stood and pulled A up. He then turned and began to walk back to class, making sure A followed.

A trudged after his professeur only because defying authority wasn't something he did much of anymore. He followed the professeur first to the office to get a lunchtime detention and then to his class. The kids in the class were doing a worksheet, and they all looked up as A walked in. As soon as A saw the way he peers looked at him - like he was something to fear - he turned and walked right out the door. Professeur Lightfoot turned and followed him out.

"Adam, where are you going?" he called.

"Sir, you saw the way they looked at me! They think, they think I'm some sort of... beast! I can't go in there. I can't stand that look. I can't," A said.

Professeur Lightfoot spun to block A's path, "You did this. You earned that look. But, if you go back in there and stay. If you come back and stay everyday, you can earn a new look. Your peers can see you as a better person. But only if you make them believe you are. And the first step to that is to walk back into this class and walk back in every day."

A looked at his professeur with new eyes, questioning eyes, hopeful eyes, and walked into the classroom and to the empty seat in the back of the class. For the rest of the day, he walked into every class and talked to his teachers after in order to ask what he could do to help his grade. At lunch, his detention was in Professeur Lightfoot's classroom, and he got help with his French work and talked to his mentor. By the end of the day, A felt exhausted, but he also felt good.

He went to his bike, put his backpack in the back, and rode to his hill. He had gone there twice since Z had crushed his heart, but neither time had left him feeling better. A still hadn't moved on and knew that he may never truly get over Z, but he was trying to put her in the past as hard as he could possibly try.

At his hill, A took out his homework and decided to actually do it. When he finished as much as he could possibly bare to do in an afternoon, he took out the book and read. He found that he really enjoyed the story, and by 8pm, he was just over halfway through. By that time, though, he had to ride home.

You have been the last dream of my soul, was the quote that A kept turning over in his mind as he rode home.