The Story Behind Her

PTSD

Its scary. Having a PTSD attack, if you wanna even call it an attack. Its scary because it normally happens in flashbacks or dreams. Mine were and always will be in dream form. I needed to tell Amber and soon. I was running out of medication and I wasn't due in to see my doctor for another three weeks. I was nervous about it. Amber and I were laying in bed one night and thats when I had told her.

"Hey, Am, can I tell you something?"

She pushed her head up from my chest and leaned on her elbow. She looked at me with concern in her eyes.p

"I know you see me take a pill everyday."

"I do."

"And I'm sure you also know I'm going to the doctor in three weeks and that I only have about five pills left."

"I do and I didn't."

"Well," I sighed and rolled on my side, looking at her, before finishing," those pills stop my PTSD nightmares and even a few days off of them can cause me to go into a terrible PTSD induce stress. I'll have nightmares, terrible flashbacks. The works. I'm sorry I never told you."

By the end I was crying. Just thinking about how hard this was gonna be on us hurt. But Amber had always been understanding. There was one night, a few days after I ran out of my meds, when the PTSD nightmares got so bad that even after I woke up I could still see my father hitting me or my mother molesting me. It all looked so real. I couldn't look at Amber, I was afraid to. That one night, I couldn't stop shaking and my breathing was terrible. Amber led me to the car and had brought me to the hospital. They had given me enough pills to last me until my appointment after they released me. Every night, I was still afraid. Amber was always awake with me when I wasn't sleeping because I was too afraid to.

"It's alright. You're parents aren't here, its just us."

She had her head on my chest and a hand running through my hair. That's how I'd fall asleep, her telling me it would all be okay with her head on my chest.