Lust and Candies

35

Chaeyoung's POV

"You are so stupid Chaeyoung!" I started scolding myself after I turned and run away from Jungkook. I slapped myself multiple times as if that would help me pull myself back together.

It was when I was already a few blocks outside when a realization hit me, I am not familiar with this place.

My eyes scanned the area.

I don't even have my phone nor pouch with me.

Slowly, I started walking back to the direction where I came from, my left hand wiping the tear that stupidly started falling down my cheeks. My mind feels like I'm just floating. Everything was a blur and my eyes stinging isn't much of a help either.

I felt helpless and weak. My knees were shaking I'm actually surprised I'm still able to walk.

I noticed a few people giving me weird looks.

Yeah, I probably look some idiot right now, crying on a sidewalk at four in the afternoon.

So what if Jungkook already moved on?

"I am still friends with the other boys," I whispered to myself but even I can recognize how bitter my own words sounded.

My steps halted, and I almost fell down when someone accidentally bumped into me from the back.

"Watch where you're going!" the guy snarled at me and I don't have any strength left to answer. Instead, I walked to the side, away from the crowd so I won't cause a ruckus on the busy street in front of me.

"What's the use of coming back now?" I whispered as I rested my back on the wall for support. I bite my lower lip, my throat hurting as I try to stop myself from bawling my eyes out on the busy district of Seoul.

Unfocused with my surroundings, I ended up sitting on the ground, my arms hugging my knees, the questioning stares that the people are giving me goes unnoticed by my unstable state.

And right here I started crying. The recent events made me question myself. 

Am I that of a bad person to be always left behind?

Do I deserve this amount of pain?

Was the pain of losing a friend and a brother isn't enough that life decided to test me once again by taking away the very first person I showed loved with from me?

Am I that much of a pushover?

My judgment is now getting clouded.

Maybe I really deserve all this pain... and it's karma but damn, it was all out to losing my sanity, breaking every piece of me, shredding my dignity altogether. Right now, there's nothing left but emptiness.

Did he lie about waiting for me?

I mean, I knew it took me four fucking months but shit. is it that easy for him to forget about me?

Did he really love me at all?

Faint sobs escaped my lips, the sorrow filling my whole system is starting to make me lose control.

He loved me. I told to myself.

No matter how he might be in a new relationship right now, I knew he loved me when we were still together.

Because I felt it.

His sincerity...

His patience...

His love...

I felt it all. 

I knew he loved me. But it hurts to know that his love faded while here I am, still stuck on my own feelings.