Identity

Part 2.

Recap of last chapter:

There's gotta be more than just this... I can't spend my whole life in the shadows or in target sights for abuse. Somethings gotta give. I don't want to be this person anymore. I don't want to live as Rosanna if this is who Id always be. Why cant I look like the girls in the magazines, the pretty ones, the ones with the bright eyes and pretty smiles, the ones who picked on me, and tortured me in high school. Why can't I be someone completely else....

And in that moment it hit me...I knew what I needed to do...

PART TWO:

I went into my closet and grabbed my sisters teddy bear. We each got one from the hospital when we were born. We were both born addicted to meth. I survived but she didn't. She lived to be 3 years old but all of her complications, organ failure, mentally handicap, delayed motor skills, and so so much more...she just didn't make it... and I've had this teddy ever since. It makes me feel close to her. I swear some days I can feel her giving me strength to go on. She would've been the strong one, the one who didn't let people push her around. The one who wouldn't put up with anything I do. Sometimes I wish I was the dead one....

I snapped out of the dark thoughts...I opened the back of the bear slowly and carefully and pulled out all the cash I've collected over the years. There had to be over $500 in there. Any coins and bills I've found on the streets, at school, on the bus, I collected and I'd take them to get exchanged for bills. 14 years of collecting really adds up.

I grabbed all the money and shoved it in my backpack. I grabbed some old overalls and a big red t shirt and slipped them all on. Threw on some flip flops, threw my hair up in a bun and ran out the door. Both of my parents were passed out on the couch so I had no trouble slipping out. I closed the door quietly behind me, not that they'd wake up anyways. They're heavy sleepers, especially when passed out high or drunk.

I didn't go out much, so I had no idea what to expect or where to go once in town. I kept my head low and started walking to the bus stop I go to everyday. I knew it would take me to Main Street which is where the shops were because everyday people get off at this stop before my school stop.

Once to Main St. I could see lots of people, laughing, smiling, spending money and having a good time. It was like in the movies when someone finally realizes all they've been missing. Life, fun, love, friendship. I breathed in deeply and headed on my way, first stop, phone store. I went in and looked around, everything was so beautiful, there were phones that flipped, slid up and down, phones with keyboards, phones with no keyboards, touchscreens, you name it. They had it. I have never had a phone before, so to me, touching them was like touching gold.

"Hi. How may I help you?" A deep voice said behind me. I turned quickly. It was an employee. Maybe about 24. He was talk, a darker complexion. He has a very welcoming smile. I looked down at the floor to avoid making him look at my hideous face.

"I uh, I want to, um purchase a phone, I'm not sure what yet though." I said back, quietly. I looked up at him quickly while he was answering me.

"Oh yeah I can help, what kind of phone do you have now?" He smiled looking at my hands, a little confused when he didn't see a phone in them.

"I don't, I'm looking to purchase my first" I said rubbing my hands together nervously. He smiled at my awkwardness and nodded.

"Follow me." He said walking to the other side of the store. We stopped in front of the iPhones, my eyes lit up, these phones literally looked like they were made of gold. The backs were beautiful colors, shiny, Matte, metallic, the screens were glass like, and they were fully touchscreen. There was no way I could afford these phones, no way in hell....

"Here's the most popular phones we have, they're all beginner friendly, the software is amazing, I have one it's pretty awesome." He smiled. Showing me his Matte black phone.

"They look awesome but I don't think I could afford one of these..." I put my head down in shame. This was a bad idea. I could feel my face turning red from embarrassment.

"Well, if you did a contract for let's say two years with this company, you could upgrade every year and pay monthly so that the price wouldn't be so big up front I think the average a month is about $35. Upfront it would be about $125" I think he could sense my disappointment but he was extremely sweet and helpful.

"Okay, let's do it" I smiled.

Once that was all taken care of I slid my new phone into my backpack. I put it at the bottom of the large pocket because I wanted it hidden. I'd wait til I got home to set it up, at night when my parents went out.

Next stop, clothes. Goodwill, no. Salvation Army, no. Ross...what's that? I went in, there was so many fabulous clothes! Sparkles, flowers, blouses, jeans, dresses, shoes, oh my. I was in popular girl heaven. I looked around for a long while collecting things here and there. Mostly jeans and shorts, a few skirts and a few summer dresses. The jeans were such nice quality, stretchy skinny, slimming, soft, black, ripped, butt-lifting you name it! The shorts were cropped, ripped up, totally in the "now." The dresses were thin, low cut, short, solid colors, very summer and very sexy. The tops weren't really what I was going for. They were cute, but a high schooler cute. I wanted more college bad girl, beauty school drop out, smokes weed with her man, wears leather jeans sexy.

Once I paid and headed out I saw the store BeBe. I decided to take a chance and go in. When I walked in it was even better than Ross! The floors were checkered. There were chandlers hanging from the ceiling, popular music playing. The employees all for the bill so well. Everything was so perfect for the look I was going for. I found so many tops, some that zipped in the front. Cropped ones, ones with cute shoulder openings, Lacey ones, low cut Ts. It was everything i could've imagined and more.

After that I headed into Walmart to get a few things for my dorm room and to get a couple suit cases for moving day, which was in two days. I spent about an hour in there buying towels, floor rugs, shower curtains, food, cheap pajama bottoms, cheap lounge tank tops, slippers. Everything I got for my dorm followed a black, grey and white color scheme with pops of pale blue, purple and pink. After I paid I let out a successful sigh. I successfully did it. I got everything I needed even a suitcase set! It was dark out when I left Walmart and finally started to head home. I put my bags in my suitcases for easy transport and security, but most importantly for the secret stuff I bought. I headed into the bus, kept my 2 suit cases and matching duffel bag close to me and waited 15 minutes to get home.