in the bathtub with a toaster ; shyan

s e v e n

TW; implied panic attack, running away from home

ryan, older, with a patchy beard and a baby on his hip, in a kitchen. he stirs something on the stove, quietly singing along to a shitty country song streaming through the radio. he bounces the baby on his hip, singing to her.

he turns around and looks up. shane, also older, a five o'clock shadow on his face. he looks tired, but happy. shane sweeps their baby from ryan and holds her, bouncing her and making her giggle. ryan leans against the counter, smiling softly.

tears glitter in his eyes as he realizes that he's finally made it. he's finally happy.

his life is domestic and simple and not at all what he thought his life would be like. he works at a place called buzzfeed, making videos and helping create. he even is starting his own little webshow: buzzfeed unsolved, where he and shane explore spooky haunted sites and discuss mysterious murder cases.

he's found the purpose in his life.

ryan smiles more. he laughs more. he has friends now. he has a beautiful daughter and the most perfect husband.

he's happy.

ryan wakes up in tears and panting heavily. sweat drips down his face and his torso. he looks next to him, relieved when he sees no one there.

his bed is empty, which means he can crumple to a broken paper airplane of a human being, sobbing as quietly as he can into his pillow. he ignores his scratchy throat and burning eyes and chapped cheeks.

his dream. the one with shane. shane. shane. shane. shane.

shane is all that's on ryan's mind. shane is ryan's saving grace. ryan needs shane right now.

ryan grabs his phone, pressing the home button and unlocking it. he scrolls through his contacts, trying to find shane. shane. shane. shane.

"i need you, i need you, i need you," ryan whispers, his eyes welling up again, his swiping gets more frantic.

does he not have shane's contact? why the hell does he not have his contact?

shane. shane.

ryan's chest is heaving, trying to breathe in too much air.

he throws his phone down and gets out of his empty, cold bed. he throws on some clothes, random items found around his room. he yanks on his shoes, leaving his house as quietly as he could.

outside, he runs as fast as he can to sweetheart forest. The place where shane showed him, their safe haven. shane had to be there, right?

breathless, ryan finally arrives outside the forest. the trees looks grim and menacing, branches leering down like claws. ryan squares his jaw and steps into the trees, walking quickly.

his thighs burn, his calves ache and he's tired of his shithole mind. but he has to get to that meadow.

shane's meadow. ryan's meadow.

he pushes through some bushes, stumbling into the large clearing. he looks around.

ryan lays down on the ground, feeling the dewy grass around him, the chill of the night seeping into his bones and watching the stars above him. he imagines shane is here next to him and can almost feel the warmth of his only friend.

he lifts a hand to the sky, studying how his hand blots out the stars. his eyelids slip shut. his breathing slowly evens out and deepens.

back into dreamland.