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CHAPTER THREE HE ACTUALLY LOVED YOU
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I practically stumbled inside my dark apartment forty minutes later. Flicking on the light in the foyer, I kicked off my shoes and shrugged out of the jacket that Cece had pushed over my shoulders. Turning the light off again, I lazily walked inside my bedroom. By now navigating to the room in the dark being like a second nature to me.
I was so drained off any strength or power that I felt like I could sleep for ten thousand years. But at the same time I didn't want to sleep, I didn't want to potentially see all those happy moments with Jason in my dreams. They were like nightmares hunting me; laughing at me.
Walking over to the closet, I pulled the door open and moved all the hangers to the side to find that one clothing piece that I should probably throw outside, but I just couldn't do that. It still smells too much off him and it was comfortable too; making me remember the way he hugged me and held me anytime I dug it out from the depths of my closet.
❝slip it on over my shoulders something i'll never get over it makes me feel a little bit closer to you i can't keep your love i can't keep your kiss gave you everything and all i got was this❞
Pulling the hoodie over my naked upper half, I undid the button on my jeans and pulled them down my tan legs. Kicking them to the side, I put on some socks I headed in search for my phone. I need to talk to someone ASAP otherwise I'll go crazy. Pulling it out from inside one of the jackets pockets, I aimlessly walked inside the living room afterwards, turning the T.V. on to give the whole apartment some background noise.
I have always despised dead silence. There's just something eerie about it that makes me feel weird.
Tossing the remote down on the sofa, I left the living room as I crossed the small patch of foyer before stepping foot inside the kitchen at the same time unlocking my phone and clicking on the contacts app. Pressing call next to the one person who I know would drop everything for me contact, I put the call on speaker phone and set it down on the counter on my way over to the fridge.
There's nothing better than baking when you're feeling blue.
"You love him," I heard the T.V. say in the other room, just as the fifth ring came from the phone.
Settling the egg carton along with the milk jug on the counter, I was about to crouch down to get a bowl when Liane's voice came through the speaker of my phone, "Nicole! Oh God. I've missed you! Where have you been?"
Chuckling, I set the glass bowl down next to the eggs, before opening the carton and one after another cracking three of them inside the ball, making sure the separate the yolks from the whites, "I've missed you too. And I've been busy with work. You know that I have mostly night shifts so I'm constantly sleeping until midday."
"I know, I know. You told me that the day when you got the job," I could just imagine her rolling her eyes at that. "I will dare and ask how are you? Because obviously you didn't call just to have an innocent conversation."
Letting out another chuckle, this one seemingly pathetic and forced, "Yeah," I dragged out the word, setting the whisk down. "IsawJasonandwhoIthinkwasthatgirlSkylerTheyseemedhappyIhatehim," I breathed out all in once jumbled up sentence.
"Girl," Liane took a deep breath, "I didn't get any of that."
Rolling my eyes, I picked the whisk back up and this time calmly recited the sentences, "I saw Jason and who I think was that girl Skyler. They seemed happy. I hate him," I whispered the last one though.
"When and where?"
"At work. They were sitting in one of the booths, in clear view of the bar. I guess Brian did drinks for their table because I not once noticed them coming up to the bar," I replied in a monotonous tone. "Liane, when I saw him with his arm around her and whispering things in her ear... Is it bad that I got sad? Honestly seeing him after these couple months it was a lot. It was so much that I actually felt like I was being squished and I locked myself in the woman's bathroom because I had a suddenly mental breakdown, I suppose."
"You suppose or did it actually happen?"
"It actually happened," I shamefully admitted. "How can it be that even after all this time I feel like this while he's obviously happy with an actual home-wrecker?"
"Because he's a cheater, Nic," Liane replied in a sharp and hard tone. If she were to be here, she would be giving me her signature serious look. "Cheaters don't dwell on feelings. All they care about is some coochie in which they can stick their dick inside."
Pursing my lips to the side, I blankly stared inside the cake batter that has already formed inside the glass bowl. "For you to feel this way... Well that's normal. After all you gave him and that relationship hundred percent. You actually loved him."
"Yeah, but–"
"Not but's, butts are for saddles," she cut me off. "You have to remember that whatever he told you or that small amount of affection he showed you, that was purely to keep up around. He knew that if he did that or if he said that, that you'll stick around for longer. You won't leave. He made you think that he actually loved you, when it wasn't the case. Tell me when was the last time the both of you had sex? Let alone slept in the same bed?"
Furrowing my brows, I thought long and hard about both of those questions. Surely it can't be that I experienced some kind of concision and lost some of my memory or had some weird amnesia and no one saw that in my medical reports or in the examinations, because as I thought about those things I was having a hard time remembering the last time when we did either or.
"Your silence it enough of an answer," Liane's voice cut through the air like a sharp blade. "Promise me one thing, that you'll never blame yourself for the breakup or anything that Jason did. Those were his actions, he did them on his own. You did nothing wrong, Nic."
*** if you read the original chapter you'll know that she went a lil but cray in this one but i decided to change it and this one is so much better
