Chaotic Mind and Broken Soul

Someone's Bad Memory

I tend to push people away because it's easier that way. They would hate me for it. And soon enough, they'll forget they have even met someone like me. Soon enough, I'll be nothing but a stranger to them. I tend to push people away because I don't want to drag any more people in my mess, in my shitball of a messy world. I tend to push people away, because it's easier to deal with that hatred than knowing they'll be in much pain after I'm gone. As selfish as it may sound, I push people away because it's easier to leave when you know you're alone, that you don't have anyone else to hurt for leaving. What's more to hurt when you've got nothing else to lose, right? What more can possibly hurt when there's nothing left to hurt? What's more to be broke when there's nothing else to wreck? It's easier to cope with loneliness than knowing you've hurt someone. I've dealt with both, and trust me, knowing you've hurt someone is much more suffocating than being hated by someone.

I push people away because I know, not long from now, I'll be gone. And there is no coming back. Soon enough, I'll just be someone's bad memory. I'm sorry if I push you all away. One day, when I'm truly gone, please know that you have nothing to do with it.
—♈️