Deserved

one

It's back to the books again. August has started and I can't wait for Fall. Summer, however, I was happy to let go of. It was a bit too much to be honest. And that's saying little. I had been horribly disappointed by Kris. How could he be so cruel?\\

FLASHBACK: June 5th

|Baby Kris♡|: hey, we need to talk...

His text message took me by surprise. Honestly though he's said this before and it's never been anything bad.

|Me|: yeah totally. What's on your mind bb?

There was a weird delay in his reply. Usually he takes seconds. Maybe this is serious...

|Baby Kris♡|: well.. I'm trying to make a decision. so I wanted to ask why don't you like clubbing or drinking?

Oh my god. This again. Honestly I never really liked either one. They're too much for me and alcohol just isn't that great.

|Me|: because they're boring to me. I don't see the reason for it being fun

Again another delay. What is he doing? He already knew this about me so why bring up again?

|Baby Kris♡|: but I like those things... you know, so I think we should take some time...

Wtf? Time? Why? Is he drunk? He's known this all along. Did he think he would change my ways? Never. I'm confused at his suggestion. How could he pause our relationship? It's been 2 years? I'm trying to collect my thoughts to reply but it's so difficult..

|Me|: time? why just because I don't get dumb fucked drunk? Or because I feel too pressured at clubs? This is ridiculous!

Take a break! What an idiot. What does it matter if I don't like those things? It's been 2 years!

|Baby Kris♡|: yes and no. Just I really like those things but also because we're going into our final year in high school. And college is so close. I'm scared. It'll be something new to me.

Idiot! Senior year is special but it's not to different from any other year. College won't be that new either. It's just school. What's this really about...

            |Me|: I know you do, but we've worked past that. And college I get can seem intimidating but I can help you get comfortable. You don't have to go at it alone.

|Baby Kris♡|: Honestly.. I want to meet new people.

I knew it! He's tired of me! He wants to go find other girls.

|Me|: so you want to meet new girls? Right? I'm boring now.

|Baby Kris♡|: no, Lily. Don't make it about that. Just I want to meet new people that's all..

Pathetic excuse. Obviously he is after girls. If he wanted to talk to new people he could. Never did I ever forbid him to talk to others, even girl friends. People always cautioned me to not be too lenient on those things, but I've just never been the jealous type.

|Me:| Come on, you know I always let you talk to who ever you want because I trust you. What's this really about?
N

ot because of the partying because you had come to terms with that. Not because I don't let you meet new people.. so what?

|Baby Kris♡|: ya stop, just it's a new chapter in my life. I don't know how to approach.

But I wanted to go with him through everything. Have a great time together like we have these past years. A few months ago he even pinky promised me that no matter what, we would be at each other's side! He was the one that came up with that promise! wth happened to that!?

|Me|: let's go at it together like we have.. I've taken good care of you, loved you, respected you. Haven't I been good to you?

|Baby Kris♡|: yes you have. You've been great, an amazing girlfriend, everything I ever looked for..

|Me|: then why are you pushing me away?!

|Baby Kris♡|:Because honestly, I just don't want us to be together anymore.

My heart sank. He doesn't want us together... my heart had been slowly breaking through out this conversation... but his answer was the ultimate breaking point... my world as I knew was ending. Stopped by the one I loved, my world.  I didn't need to read anymore. I had been searching for a real, concrete answer. And I guess I got it.

I gave up after that. I stopped asking questions. I always told myself that if I was in the way of his happiness than I would gladly move out of the way. He meant so much to me. 

In a matter of minutes, I lost him. My boyfriend, but not just that.. my partner in crime, my love, my prince... my best friend. Everything.

Our breakup ended with the usual "I'll always be here for you" & cliché "We can still be friends" bs that I just had enough. Never did I ever, want to see him again. I hate him, I hate him!

END OF FLASHBACK 

It had been a couple of months, yes. I had cried my eyes out. At first because he was letting go of me, letting go of us.. and then because I just couldn't believe the lack of respect he had for me. He couldn't even tell me face-to-face. My heart.

I gave him so much respect. He was a big priority to me. I loved him. Pure, love. He meant so much to me, and I thought I meant a lot to him to... but apparently not.I gave him all of that for what? Shitty excuses given through text message. Pathetic!

Never, never will I ever fall into such a deep hole ever again. Next time, I won't be so gullible to just believe something a guy says. I don't deserve it.

From now on, my emotions are off. My heart, cold.

Never again.