It’s been two weeks since that first day back to school after break. Diana and I had become pretty close. We ate lunch together every day and sometimes we would go hang out at the diner. She made me eat something new there every time, as she put it she was ‘broadening the universe for my taste buds.
Diana didn’t have any other friends aside from me, which I blamed myself for. Everyone was still angry with me for what I had done, and they were angry with her for not being angry with me. She didn’t care though, from what I could tell.
She and I were sitting out in the courtyard today, as the sun had decided to make an appearance. We were sitting on the ground by a decorative pond with pretty koi swimming around inside while we ate our lunches. Diana was sitting across from me, her legs over top of mine while she munched on an apple, playing a new game called Cut the Rope 2. Occasionally I would laugh as she muttered something along the lines of “That’s right you little green bitch, eat your damn candy.”
Today she was wearing a white tank top, black skinny jeans and a dark denim jacket, with her usual white converse. Her hair was in a french braid and she wasn’t wearing any make-up. She called it ‘bumming it’ which I didn’t know what that meant so I looked it up on urban dictionary and I didn’t agree at all. She looked nice.
I sat working on my homework when I suddenly had my textbook ripped out from my hands. Diana and I both looked up in an instant.
Harry was standing there, holding my book in his hands, dangling it over the fish pond, “I realized a few minutes ago that you haven’t been reminded of what a shit hole you are today.”
“C’mon, dude, leave him alone. He’s your brother for God’s sake.” Diana stands up, brushing off her jeans and I quickly follow her.
“It’s fine, Diana.” I step in front of her, just to shield her from any harsh words Harry said. “Harry, just give me book back. I’m an asshole, okay? Now leave us alone.”
“Awe, that’s cute, Marcie, you think you can tell me what to do just because you’re older. Well, let me make something clear. I tell you what to do because I’m bigger, cooler and better.”
“Hey!” Diana side steps me and gets right in Harry’s face, “That’s your brother you’re talking to, you twat. Try having a bit of respect. Or you’re going to have to deal with me.”
I gawk at Diana, I didn’t even know she knew that word seeing as it’s mostly a British word. Harry’s surprise doesn’t last as long as mine though, “Oh yeah, I’m really scared. You’re what, 5’4’’?” He sneers and then looks at me, “Try keeping your bitch in line Marcel.”
“Hey!” I exclaim, pushing his chest, “You can make fun of me all you want, call me names, push me around, wreck my stuff. But don’t you dare bring her into this.” I growl lowly at my younger brother who just laughs in my face.
“God, you’re pathetic, Marcie.” He rolls his eyes as he walks away, but not before chucking my book into the pond.
I bite my lip to keep myself from cursing, my fists balling up with anger and my eyes squeezing shut.
“Marcel?” I hear a voice that usually comes across as big and confident sounding more small and unsure. I feel small hands wrap around my bicep, squeezing in a comforting kind of way, “Just sit down.”
I sigh and open my eyes, lowering myself to the ground and watching my textbook float by, the fish becoming curious as to what had fallen into their neighborhood.
“Marcel?” I turn my head to look at her. Over the past two weeks, Diana had only called me Marcel when when she felt the seriousness of a mood so hearing her call me it made me curious. “I’ve gone about two weeks, giving you time to tell me yourself but we both know that I’m not very patient and I would appreciate if you told me why you and Harry are fighting so badly.”
I sigh, rubbing my face with my hands, surprised as I find moisture. I was…. Crying? Yet another thing I hadn’t done since my dad left. “You’ll hate me if I tell you.” My voice comes out about three times higher because of my tears and because I’m speaking through my hands.
I feel a hand rubbing my back softly, “No I won’t. God, I have no place to judge anyone, okay?”
I nod a little and remove my hands from my face, “Two weeks ago, before you came here, some shit went down between Harry and I. It was spring break and there was this party that Harry had been invited to. But Harry got sick and couldn’t go. I had always been so jealous of Harry. I worked hard for perfect grades and to be the good boy and yet everyone still liked him better. Harry hadn’t told anyone that he decided not to go to the party…”
“Oh god, Marcel, you didn’t.”
I nodded, sniffling my nose, “I did. I stole some of his clothes and I pretended to be Harry at the party. Well, I got seriously smashed and then Harry’s girlfriend, Lily showed up. One thing led to another and she was so drunk she couldn’t even tell that I didn’t have Harry’s tattoos. I was so drunk I couldn’t tell how wrong it all was. I got back home that night and Harry was awake. He started yelling and told me that he hated me. He told the whole school what had happened and now everyone hates me.”
I bury my face in my hands again and expect her to just get up and leave. But instead, a moment later, I feel nimble arms wrap around my narrow hips and when I open my eyes I find Diana hugging me. “Not everyone.” She says quietly.
I hug her back until the pulls away, “You need to talk to Harry.” She states as if it’s written on my forehead or something.
“You honestly think I haven’t tried. I’ve apologized a thousand times-”
“An apology is not the same thing as actually talking with Harry. Something else is going on here, Marcel. Something is boiling just under the surface and if you don’t address it, things are going to get nasty.”
“They aren’t already?” I look at her and she smirks at me.
“Funny but so not the time or place for being a smart ass.” She nudges my arm with her elbow. “Sometimes… Sometimes we get hurt by or angry with someone and we forget all the reasons we love them. We have to learn to let go of our anger and pain.” My hands, which had returned to their balled up state, were taken in her small fingers. Gently, yet firmly, Diana pulled my fingers from their fists, “And when we let go, Marcel, we begin to remember why we love them.”
I stare out at the pond, taking a deep breath. Why did I love Harry? Well, when he wasn’t being horrible like he has these past weeks he was actually kind of great. He’d drag me out to movies and I’d help him with his homework. He made me laugh and he reminded me a lot of mom. He was confident and secure, something I envy. But I love Harry the most because he was always there for me.
Yet as I thought about it, that wasn’t the thing I loved most. I couldn’t pick just one thing I loved the most about Harry. The list went on forever because he’s my brother. Not just my brother, my twin. I missed him.
“Okay…” I sigh, nodding, “Okay. I-I’ll try talking to him.”
“Good.” Diana flicks my arm and reaches into her lunch bag, tossing me a wooden box which I catch in my lap.
“What is this?” I ask, my fingers tracing over the smooth wood, raising the lip of the lid to peek inside.
“Sushi.” She grins, handing me chopsticks, “Last week you told me you’d never tried it and I pretty much live off of it.”
And so we spent the rest of the lunch, talking about mercury, watching me attempt to use chopsticks and carrying on like nothing had changed between the two of us.
