Losing Sleep

Part 3

Finn was driving her to absolute distraction. She knew he wasn't doing it on purpose. Everyone thought they were together, and unless they wanted to stop sleeping in the same bed at night, they needed everyone to believe their relationship was real, but he was a very attractive man, add to that he was also one of her best friends, and the constant affection he showered her with made her feel like she was going to either lose her mind or do something stupid like kiss him. He was constantly touching her, giving her light back rubs, hugging her, holding her hand, walking with his arm around her or resting a hand on her lower back.

One day when they were standing in the hall with some of their friends he grabbed her arm before she was about to walk away and she could have sworn for a minute he was going to kiss her. The way he'd looked at her had her heart pounding and her palms sweaty. Instead he'd kissed her forehead, which had been almost as bad. His soft lips against her skin for that brief moment left her feeling both elated and confused. She kept trying to remind herself that it wasn't real, but he made it hard to remember that when he wanted to cuddle with her on the couch even though no one else was around to see it.

As time passed their lives seemed to become even more intertwined, and then when they visited her mom for her birthday he asked her to officially make his apartment her home. She didn't know how to interpret that request. Yeah it would make things a little easier to have her things there since that was where they spent the majority of their time when they weren't travelling, but it wasn't necessary, they'd been managing things fine before. He'd made it clear he truly wanted her to move in, including giving her permission to change things around if she wanted to, and it felt like too much, but at the same time she wasn't going to say no. She didn't want to say no. She hadn't even given it much thought when he'd first asked, her first instinct was to agree, it wasn't until later that the reality of it sank in.

She desperately wanted to talk to someone about it, especially her mom, but she couldn't. Her mom didn't know the truth. In fact, her mom had adored Finn, and had been absolutely ecstatic that they were together, embarrassingly hinting at when they were going to take the next step. Thankfully Finn seemed to have been completely oblivious to her meddling, but her mom had been way too happy to help her box her stuff to be shipped out, and she was surprised he didn't notice even that.

The only person who did know the truth was Sasha, and Sasha thought she was out of her mind for having agreed to the arrangement in the first place. Sasha had pointed out on more than one occasion that they'd backed themselves into a corner, and they couldn't have a fake relationship for the rest of their lives. She thought they should have found another solution, one that didn't have them living a lie. Honestly Sasha didn't understand why they both felt like they couldn't sleep apart. She'd tried to explain it to her, but it wasn't easy. Sasha couldn't know what it was like to experience the escalating fear that had come from Finn's struggles with insomnia as it had gotten worse and worse, nor how awful it had been to see him looking so dead inside after the first two nights when they'd tried to sleep apart.

Of course Sasha hadn't said anything about it in a little while. She wasn't sure if Sasha had just finally given up, realizing she wasn't going to change her mind or what. She knew Sasha wasn't one to hold back her opinion, and she also couldn't see Sasha changing her mind on the subject either, so the silence confused her until Sasha confronted her one day while they were hanging out. Their last show had been close enough to Orlando that they'd driven down right after the show Monday night and Sasha had chosen to ride with them. She was staying with another friend, but today they'd made arrangements to spend the afternoon together while Finn was occupied with other things. Sasha had surprised her when she asked,

"So you and Finn have never done anything, not even kissed?"

"No, why are you asking that?"

"Because your whole thing with him just doesn't make sense."