They Said "It'll Get Better", They All Lied

Khloe

"What if "better" had a greater meaning" 

Based on a true story 

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"tim" my step mother yells as she hands him the phone. 

"Call the police! She's dying - " she exclaims 

Their voices fade in and out as my body goes completely and utterly numb and the lights go out.

I had attempted suicide once again. Trying to escape this world of pain. 

My father ; sperm donor as I like to call him always refused to call the police when something like this happened his excuse was "if she wants to die, then let her" 

My father never really cared for me. He used me, I was the pray and he was the predator.

When I was 8 years old my father had molested me ... tried to rape me when I was 12 then when I was 15, 2 guys raped me. 

So when it comes to men, my experience is not good at all. Always used and hurt by men. 

Growing up I had always felt alone and unloved. No one to turn to, no trust for anyone. 

The worst part was, not only did I feel alone, I was alone. 

No one listened to me, no one understood. 

- I wasn't even there for myself at times. I constantly told myself I deserved this, to feel this way ; alone and scared, to be in pain. 

All my life bad things had happened to me, at one point in growing up I had thought I was cursed. 

Sometimes I feel like giving up, but I can't you know.

I have too much hope for myself - to become something, someone. To help someone like me, who needs help when their walls feel like they are caving in and their oxygen feels short. I honestly - at this point in time have no clue who I am anymore ... I have let myself down again and again.