Note to My followers.

My Dear Readers...

 My dear readers...followers...friends....I don't think I'll be alive. It depends, if I decide to hold on a little more. But I've been on this edge, this cliff, for 12 damn years. My fingers are slipping, I don't feel like trying to pull myself up from this. My heart clenches, my stomach has a boulder in it. I wouldn't be surprised if nobody cared, I'm nothing. It's nobody's fault....just mine. I'm completely imperfect, nothing good about me. Nobody likes me. I feel constantly alone. None of my friends feel like friends. I hear my friends talk about their friends in such a horrible and disgusting way....it makes me wonder what they say about me. Of course, what makes it worse is that I've tried to hard to fit in, that I have joined in, with their comments. I just wanted to be viewed as a friend. This makes me sick to my stomach. How could I stoop so low, just to be perfect in their eyes? Still a question I ask. I've blamed myself for many of mistakes. I feel so fucking guilty. I should be punished for it. What way better than to cause myself pain?

I don't deserve to be alive. I'm a monster, so are they. But I'm worse, I could've said something, anything. I let them do as they wish....because I just wanted to be their fucking friend. What ever happened to that adorable baby..wearing a crown and a pink fluffy tu-tu? I know what happened........life. I'm sorry to those who has enjoyed my stories, I thank you for your support. Don't be expecting any updates soon....I might slip off. Don't worry, you won't remember anything about me. I'm irrelevant, I don't know you in real life. Those who do know me......you'll forget real quick.

But what pains me most is that I don't want to die....I still have so much, perhaps I do have happiness waiting for me at the end of this dark tunnel....but why do I have to go through so much pain to reach it? This tunnel is too damn long...I can't wait that long. Hell, what makes it worse is that I'm still in love with him...yet he doesn't even like me. What's the use in crying? I don't know...yet I still do it...

I'll end this note now. I won't be helped. I refuse...

                                                      Love,

                                                               Hannah Micayla Jaylin Sorrel