Bonjour Belle

Carvings

Chapter three

"It's just that I'm not sure I fit in here. There's no one I can really talk to." - Beauty and the Beast

There are two sides to every person. They have a good side and a bad side, but there are times when the bad side of a person stoops to a certain level that is just awful.

That is why I am in the bathroom, sitting in my pile of blood, with a razor in my hand. I wasn't thinking about what I was doing with the blade. I knew I was cutting but I didn't know what. I didn't know if I carved a word into my arm or just simply a line.

But as I looked down I didn't see a word or a line, I saw blood. I got up and washed my arm, and I saw the outcome. It was a word. Actually a word with nine letters and two syllables to be exact.

Worthless

As I looked at the word that was starting to bleed again I knew that it would be a great reminder of what I really was.

I was worthless.

I opened up the bathroom cabinet and took out the bandages. I started wrapping my arm up with, but immediately stopped.

There was a knock on my door.

"Who is it?" I said, speeding up the bandaging. "It's Jason, can I come in?" he asked. A moment of panic washed through me. I looked behind me to see a good amount of blood and if he saw that... Well let's not go there.

"Uhm no but what do you need?" I asked. "Are you going to the bathroom, getting changed, or undressed?" He asked. "Yes now what do you want?" sometimes honesty isn't the best policy. I'm actually cleaning up the bathroom a bit, if you catch what I'm saying.

"Okay I just need some stuff so when you're done I'll get it." He said. I opened up the door with the rags in a plastic bag. "Go ahead I'm done." I said. He gave me a curious look due to the fact I still have on the same clothes on.

As he walked past me I could faintly here him whisper freak under his breath. He exited the bathroom with soap and I said, "Oh and Jason if you don't want me here and think it's a mistake of you letting me to stay here than just tell me because we all know that nobody wants a charity case in there house."

And that's how you make someone mad. "You little ease-" I cut him off. "Don't even go there. Your walls are extremely thin, and don't worry I'm leaving. I contacted my aunt and she's letting me rest at her house. So good bye and if you're mom asks, tell her I said thanks and that the clothes and there receipts are on the table. Goodbye Jason and skrew you." I took my bags and left.

It wasn't a complete lie, I was actually going to my aunt's house because she knows what has been going on. As I exited the house I started walking to my Aunt's house that was actually only two blocks away from Jason's.

As I replayed the conversation between Jason and I, I realized I wasn't afraid to speak up. Usually I don't because I think I deserve everything that's happens to me. I still think that but Jason wasn't wrong about me being a charity case.

I am worthless and clingy. I have no friends. My parents hate me. My whole family except my aunt and uncle hate me. There are multiple social media hate accounts based on me. I get bullied on a daily bases. The list can go on forever.

I approached the house and took the spare key out of this frog's mouth. Don't worry it was fake. I unlocked the door and walked in.

"Hello!" I yelled. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs. "Belle! Oh my god come here." My aunt said. I ran into her arms, dropping my bag on the way. She hugged me and I hugged her back. I didn't realize I was about to cry until a sob escaped my lips.

For the next five minutes she was whispering your safe here into my ear. "Auntie he's awful." I said. "Honey how long have you been clean." She asked. I knew what she was talking about because she knows.

She found me in the bathroom six months ago, unconscious. I cut to deep. "I'm sorry auntie." She gasped and pulled up my sleeve. She unwrapped the bandages and covered her mouth with the available hand.

She looked down at it. "Belle what the hell happened and what the hell did he do to make you do this?" she asked. "It wasn't him." Before she could ask who, I went into story mode, telling her about Jason and his family, and why I left.

By the end of my explanation she looked mad. If I'm being completely honest, she is the reason I haven't intentionally killed myself, because no matter what happened at school or at home, she was always there.

"Go get some rest, you have school tomorrow." She said.

I walked upstairs into my bedroom. She gave me a bedroom because I was there often when nights got tough.

I quickly fell asleep, with no thoughts to stop me.

*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*.*

I woke up to the sound of my alarm. I turned it off and got out of bed knowing that if I didn't I wouldn't be able to.

I took a quick shower and dried off. i entered my bedroom and put on a shirt that said 'Can you not' written on it. I tucked the shirt into a pair of high wasted shorts that had little daisies on them. I put a pair of black tights under them so nobody would see the scars on my thighs.

I also put a nit cardigan over the shirt to hide my wrists. I paired the outfit with black Doc Martins. I pulled my hair up into a messy bun. I grabbed my bag and put all my new reeds inside so I could take them to class today.

I exited the house and started my walk to school. It was a quick walk but as I got to school, people were staring and laughing at me.

I walked up to the school doors and pulled the door open. What I saw made me want to cry.

On every wall, there was a piece of paper with my face plastered to an elephant. It read:

Belle Johnson is a worthless piece of crap. Let's not forget the fact that she could shed a few hundred pounds. Let's hope she dies soon.

Maybe I will die soon.

Poem three:

Mommy what would you do if I said I wanted to die?

Would you hold me in your arms and begin to cry?

What would you do if you found the notes I wrote for you?

Would you believe if I said I want to follow through?

Mommy what would you do if my final note said goodbye?

Would you brush it off and think, No, she always lies.

What would you feel if you found death is all I knew?

Would you say, This is something she would never do?

... Now daddy, your daughter asks, Please don't walk away.

She needs you. She will only be alive one more day.

Daddy I know you would laugh if I told you I want to harm.

Do you want to pull up my sleeves so you can see the pretty scar?

Daddy, this world is mean to me, I don't want to stay. Would you

Speak? Have anything else to say?

Daddy just look under my sleeves and look at my arms.

The noose I made? It's a pretty big alarm.

Mommy and Daddy... I wrote this so you would know.

My ending isn't far away... It's actually quite close.

-@suicidal_poets_society

*.*.*.*.*.*.**.*.*.*.**.

Sooooo...... How'd ya like it? Its short and kind of a filler but yea. Oh and a reeve is like a wood piece that you put in the mouth piece of a woodwind instrument and that how the sound is made because of the vibrations I think. I don't know because I play in the low brass section and we don't use a reeve.

Anyway leave me some comments please and don't be a silent reader!