suffocate

no i'm not alright

Was it supposed to be like that?

I had imagined losing my innocence to be an act of love and closeness

I did not expect for my vulnerability to be bleeding out of me, pouring all over the cement

Did i deserve it?

Was that meant for me?

After all of the awful things I have done with this mouth, did i deserve it? Did i deserve for the word "no" to be erased?

Because it wasn't erased

And i was there

I felt it

I've been ignoring these feelings ive had because of it

And its not something thats easy to think through

Its not something you'd want to think about

Its not something you'd ever want to happen

But it did happen and it happened to me

I had always pictured there'd be candles and someone leaning down in my ear whispering

"You're so beautiful" to comfort me through the pain

But i was on the cold ground and the only comfort i had was that maybe I wouldn't remember it when i woke up tomorrow

I didn't forget it

I wont ever forget it

It's with me now and I wish it wasnt

I wish it wasnt

Does he deserve to hurt for it?

He took it away from me

It was my body he should not have taken it away

He should not have touched me

I said i didnt feel well

Did that give him the right to touchme>

To caress my skin?

To pull me into his lap?

IT DID NOT GIVE HIM THE RIGHT TO PULL ME IN

I DID NOT KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON

MY BAL WAS HIGHER THAN EVER BEFORE

NO

HE DID NOT HVE THE RIGHT

HE DID NOT HAVE THE RIGHT

How am i going to live with myself after this?

I wake up every day wanting to rip the veins out of my flesh

I don't want to have this on replay in my head

And no one cares

No one cares

No one cares

No one cares correctly

No one is here to comfort me

Is a pillow or a shoulder to cry on too much to ask for?

Everything i say is toxic

Im puking acid out of my essence

The essence of me as a person

Its poison

I'm poison

I've ruined myself