Quotes,Advice And Sayings

17.

This piece is quite long but I read it on Tumblr and it is SO BEAUTIFUL. Credits to who wrote it because I think a lot of people struggle between choosing someone they admire and a happy life without that person.

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“I thought of the rules I had written in my notebook the day before. It wasn’t working right now, I thought. But it has too. 1. Don’t give him attention. I looked to my right. There he sat, brown eyes towards the board. I felt the clench in my stomach. Look away, I told myself. So I did. The more I focus on him, the harder I fall. But he was so beautiful. A beauty that had never hit me before. A beauty that caused my lungs to stall. A beauty that turned my mind inside out. It was a beauty of both physical and mental. Shut down the thought, girl. I needed to let go of his beauty. 2. Don’t think about him. But this was the hardest one. “Dawn,” it was him. The sound of my name on his lips made me want to melt. Not melt, Dawn. Don’t melt. “Dawn.” Screw number 1. I faced him, my heart burning. “Yes?” He threw a piece of paper at my face, causing a smile to blossom on my mouth and a laugh to bubble out of him. I loved it when he laughed. He would throw his head back and close his eyes. But I made myself look back towards the board, made myself wipe the smile off my face, made myself focus on the task at hand. You can never have him, my mind whispered. But I want him so bad, my heart cried. My body was at war, but although my mind and heart seemed to be enemies, they agreed on one thing. I needed to get over this boy. I reached into my bag for my notebook. I needed to see the list, I needed to see the words. Feel the determination I had when the ink went into the paper. 3. Focus on other dreams. Other dreams. When I was in his presence, all I could think was, what other dreams? But that had to change. I have dreams of a future. Of traveling and changing lives. And I wasn’t going to let one love change that. My heart wanted to build a life with this boy, but my mind said that life continues on without him. He hasn’t noticed me acting different. And that alone affected me. He doesn’t care, Dawn. He doesn’t care. 4. Don’t care about him. I don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t care for me, who doesn’t put in the effort. But this boy, the one who sits next to me in Geometry everyday, the one with the bright, brown eyes and who always carries a smile. The one I have shared dark thoughts with, and who seems to know just what to say. The one who always throws things at me during class and causes me to be distracted, whose laugh could cause flowers to bloom, I want him to be that guy. I want him to be that guy so bad. I want him to care about me. I want him to put in the effort. I want him to feel the same way back. Because my emotions for him are so vast, I feel like I swallowed the world. But that’s when I look at number 5. The one I believe some days, and others, don’t. 5. You deserve better. Some days I look at him and think the opposite. I don’t deserve him. He’s so captivating. But then on the good days, I realize, Dawn, you deserve better. You deserve someone who’s going to put in the time, who is going to make you a priority. Someone who would risk it all. But he’s not. He’s not, Dawn. You are. You freaking are. And you don’t deserve to risk it all on someone who’s not risking anything. You deserve better. I close the notebook.”

— I deserve a better love.