Tattoo//LRH

22. Daydreams//Dreams {Pt. 3}

"You're lying." Her voice cracked faintly. "I swear to whoever is above us." She shook her head. She wanted it to be the truth, she just couldn't. She couldn't believe that the only time I was sober when it happened was with her best friend.

"Well, her funeral is in like 4 hours so we should get home." "You mean the funeral I caused? Because if she didn't have my baby, she would have been alive."

"Exactly. Your baby, that's at home right now, another reason to leave." She tried with everything in her to get me out.

You can actually hear the click in my neck due to how fast I turned my head. "Yeah, where the fuck is my kid I left with you?" I start the car up ready to speed through every red light in Los Angeles. "Madison if you left him with my parents I swear to god."

"What would be so wrong with that?" She buckled in her belt. "They'd kill him!" I yell louder than my 3am voice can handle. "Relax. I didn't. I left him with Mike."

"Madison." I pinch the bridge of my nose. "Out of all the unqualified people in the world-" "Michael is very qualified." I stare in amazement. She is so genuinely faithful in us. She truly believes that we can do this. Which also makes her so indescribably stupid, but she's a good hearted stupid.

"Whatever, let's get home please." Much to her dismay, I turn the car off. "Luke."

"Not without Calum."

"Luke, I need to go home."

"Madi, we're all gonna be tired tomorrow, we'll suck it u-"

"I have a plane to catch afterwards."

If I can explain to you the feeling of sadness, confusion and anger being felt all at once, I wouldn't. I wouldn't want anyone to even imagine the way I just felt. To be so conflicted about everything going on, but so vulnerable because of what you just admitted too, to all be taken from you and replaced with the feeling of emptiness. It was like I was daydreaming a nightmare and I couldn't stop. Daydreams happen when your conscious, so imagine having a nightmare as vivid as that. All bundled up in an emotion. It's indescribable. I didn't even say anything to her. She gave me an answer because she saw the questions written along my face.

"Listen, it's not for long. My dad and I, we're leaving for New York for a while."

"What's a while?" I stutter. I said it rather fast for someone who doesn't want to know the answer.

"A year."

A while. Correct me if I'm wrong, but a year doesn't fall under the fucking definition of 'a while'.

"But you have school."

"I'm finishing online."

"Your dog."

"He's coming, actually."

"You're job."

"I quit yesterday."

"You have me."

I can practically hear the chewing on her lip.

"Luke-"

"Why did you do it? You lead me on, you made me think this was gonna work and your just gonna leave?"

She doesn't start to pity the fact that more tears fall down my face. She gets more angry every time one falls. "I didn't give you everything just to lead you on, Luke. This wasn't part of the plan."

I scoffed through the lump in my throat. "What fucking plan, Madison? Name one thing that's happened in the past year that's been planned?"

"The universe always has a plan."

"The universe made my life go to hell. Actually no you did that for the universe."

"Luke, I gave you everything! I-"

"Please don't yell at me."

She stopped because it took her off guard. She didn't expect that kind of vulnerability in me. She may have not noticed but, I have never yelled at her, about herself. Raised my voice? Maybe a couple times. But I have never yelled at her. And I want her to not ever yell at me. Though, I admittedly sometimes deserve it.

"I don't yell at you. So don't yell at me. Quit being a jackass today, Carter."

She continued yelling at me. She didn't care how early in the morning it is, or how delirious, overwhelmed and emotional I am. "I'm being a jackass? Luke, you-"

"Fuck, Madison. You made me fall in love with you."