You Never Know

Nobody Knows

"Is my sister alive?" I asked forcefully as my mother held me from running any further. "We told you, we don't know," the nurse replied, trying to sound calm. "I refuse to believe that. You have at least know if she's alive," I yelled as I was coming close to tears. "Chase, please," my mother pleaded, struggling to hold me back. I ignored her. "I assure you, we are doing everything we can," the nurse said, almost begging. "Please," I whispered. Tears were streaming down my face, but I could care less. "Come on Chase, it's time for us to go," my mother said quietly with tears streaming down her own face. I desperately looked at the hospital door that was guarded by doctors. Realizing I couldn't do anything, I reluctantly let myself get pulled away.

I didn't take my eyes off the door until it was no longer visible. "Aunt Karen is on her way to pick you up," my mother said as she frantically searched through her purse to find her phone. I didn't respond. I just stood there at the doorway of the hospital, staring at the door, unable to see my own twin sister. "I will be here if you need me," my mom said. "I'll contact you information as soon as I get it." I still didn't respond. My mother looked up from her phone to see me with tears in my eyes, still staring at the door. She put her hand on my shoulder and whispered, "She's going to be okay. She's strong." But that wasn't it. I knew she was strong. I couldn't shake off the feeling that this was my fault. It made the most sense. "I wasn't there for her," I whispered, still staring at the door. "She attempted suicide, and I didn't even know what was going on. I could've been there for her. I could've stopped her from doing this." My face was glistening with tears. "Chase, this is not your fault," my mother reassured me. "Nobody knew. She gave no warning at all. There was no way you could've known. This is not your fault." 

Just as she said that a car drove up. "She's here," she said as she wiped her face from tears. I couldn't bring myself to say anything, so I did what she asked and walked into the car. Aunt Karen walked out of the car and started talking to my mother. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but judging by the looks that were on their faces, it wasn't good. I stared out the window, looking at the hospital. My twin sister was in there somewhere. Nobody knew if I would ever see her alive again.

Aunt Karen opened the door and got in the car. "She's going to be okay," she whispered. "Don't," was all I could say. Aunt Karen stopped stalking and started to drive. I stared at the hospital until I could no longer see it. My phone vibrated for what seemed like the hundredth time that night. I finally decided to look at it. Eighty-nine messages glowed on the screen. I scrolled through them, not wanting to read any of them. I received texts from my good friends, girlfriend, Coach, and people I don't even know. I turned my phone off, not even bothering to answer any of them. 

I stared out the window, trying to sort my thoughts out. So much had happened in the past few hours. It was too much to take in. I went from scoring a touchdown in a football game to staring out the window of a car, driving away from my sister who had just attempted suicide, all in a few hours. 

I had just scored a touchdown when Coach called a timeout. I was confused because why call a timeout when you just scored a touchdown? Well here's why: to tell you that your twin sister just attempted suicide. I blacked out when he told me. I woke up to sitting in the passenger seat with my mom driving us to the hospital. I immediately asked if she was okay. "We don't know," was all my mom said. Then I asked what happened. Apparently, my mom left Hailey home alone while she went shopping. She came back to see Hailey passed out on the floor with empty pill bottles lying next to her. 

"You can sleep in the guest bedroom. Would you like anything to eat?" I was confused until I realized the car was stopped and we were in her garage. "I'm good." Food was one of the last things on my mind right now. I opened the door of the car and walked inside without saying anything. I found the guest bedroom and shut the door behind me. I was in an anti-social mood. The room was a pretty nice one. It had a decent-sized T.V. and a tiny bed tucked cozily in the corner. If I wasn't worried whether my sister was alive or not, I might have been enjoying this. I set my phone on the nightstand and flopped on the bed. I stared at the light my phone cast every time someone would text, which would not stop. My thoughts wondered from my phone to my sister. I was trying not to think of the worst. The thought of never hearing her voice again haunted me like no other. What if she died? What if she did this because of me? What if she will never forgive me? I kept coming up with what-if scenarios until I drifted off to a restless sleep.