Please Don't Try and Turn On the Lights

15. Leaving L.A.

I hadn't really slept that well. I had been staring into the wall for the better part of the night, contemplating if I was doing the right thing or not. If I was overreacting.. No.. I wasn't overreacting. I had zero tolerance to drugs. He knew that. He had known that all along and he still chose his bag of coke over me.

I had kept my phone off just in case he had tried to ring me. I didn't want to deal with him.

However, as I heard a knock on the door to my hotel room, I couldn't help but hope it was Alex and that it had all just been some bad dream. But I knew who it was. Yesterday, Jamie had told me that he would pick me up and take me to the San Fransisco-bound bus. I opened the door, still in my PJs.

"Mornin'," Jamie said. He was carrying two cups of coffee and a bag of croissants, "how are you holding up?"

I shrugged, "I've spent most of the night thinking about him. I don't know if this is the right thing to do."

"What; to go to San Francisco?"

I nodded, "yeah..leaving."

Jamie shrugged, "I can't tell you what to do. Maybe it'll be good on ya to get all your thoughts sorted out."

"Yeah, maybe," I nodded, "I've only known him for about a week. I might have forgotten his name in a month anyway."

"Yeah..." Jamie said, looking very unconvinced.

"How's he holding up?"

"After I left here yesterday, I went straight home. I could hear Matt scolding him all the way from the hallway. Didn't see Alex though."

-

"Take care Rhea, yeah?" Jamie said as we hugged goodbye at the bus station in downtown L.A.

I was tearing up again, "I'm going to miss you," I whispered.

"Yeah, me too," he sighed, "I'm sure we'll see each other back home in England. I'll make sure of it!"

"Promise?"

He nodded, "now get on the bus, or it'll take off without you, you tosser!"

I sighed, "I guess this is it."

"This isn't it," Jamie laughed, "don't be melodramatic. This is just it for now."

"Yeah, you're right," I sighed and gave him one last hug before I boarded the bus.

-

Three hours into the bus drive, I decided to turn on my phone. I had to face Alex' texts at some point, I reasoned.

I didn't know what was worse; the fact that he had broken his promise or the fact that he hadn't even tried to text or call me once to win me back.

-

Received at 12.06 p.m. from Matt Helders:
Hey Rhea
You alright in SF?
- Matt

Sent at 02.03 p.m. to Matt Helders:
Hi Matt!
Went to Alcatraz. Was okay.
Pretty boring here. Miss you..

Received at 02.05 p.m. from Matt Helders:
Come back, yeah? ;-)

Sent at 02.37 p.m. to Matt Helders:
LOL! Flying home to London tomorrow.

Received at 02.40 p.m. from Matt Helders:
Al says hi!

Sent at 02.59 p.m. to Matt Helders:
Tell him to piss off.

Received at 03.00 p.m. from Matt Helders:
Alright, alright. He doesn't know I'm texting you rn.
He's changed though. Not that much fun to be around..

Sent at 03.34 p.m. to Matt Helders:
Sad that he needed coke to be fun, huh?

Received at 03.36 p.m. from Matt Helders:
He doesn't. I just think he misses you

Sent at 04.09 p.m. to Matt Helders:
He hasn't reached out to me once.

Received at 04.11 p.m. from Matt Helders:
I don't think he knows that you want him to contact you.

Sent at 04.11 p.m. to Matt Helders:
I don't.