Float

eleven

j

it was cold, there was a draft in the room. i laid on a beat-up mattress and waited for cole to let me back downstairs. it felt like i was up there for hours just waiting.

lloyd cracked open the door and scoffed at me, "get the hell up".

"what a nice entrance, but i have a few pointers", i pushed myself up and off the bed to stare at lloyd straight in the face, "next time when you invite a guest over to your house, you should greet them with a 'hey, hello or even a nice how's your day?'. this whole rude act is just, well... rude".

lloyd furrowed his eyebrows and rolled his eyes at me. he grabbed my wrist and yanked me down the stairs, forcing me to put weight on the leg that was bothering me.

gangs were no joke, they were rude and mean and overall just nasty people. i wonder why cole is affiliated with such trashy guys, he's so nice and clean cut it seems. i have a hard time reading people though, so he could very well be the total opposite.

"lloyd! be careful with our guest! he's been hurt enough already!", cole ran up the last step to sling my arm over his shoulder so i could put my weight on him. he helped me down to the couch and ruffled my hair as i sat down like i was some kind of toddler.

i was resentful, "i don't need help! i can do it on my own-!".

"shut the hell up, little b!", kai shouted over me and spit out the gum in his mouth, "it's time to get serious and stop acting like a little kid. start listening to cole for once and maybe you'll learn a thing or two about being mature".

i stood up and slammed my hands on the coffee table that was separating kai and i, "what the fuck do you mean? don't preach to me about being mature when the only way you cope with your issues is to beat the shit out of them, you're so overly pathetic it's sickening! you're a little bitch that mopes around everywhere and acts like their life is complete shit when it's not! you're life is not shit! you have parents that adore you and a sister that has your back through thick and thin! you have an abundance of friends and no one dares talk shit about you in school because they're so afraid. you're the coolest guy anyone knows, so you shut the fuck up for once and listen to someone who knows a little more than you. you'll happen to learn a thing or two as well".

lloyd excused himself for laughing hysterically at the petty argument between kai and i. zane crossed his arms and scoffed at both of us. somehow, i felt surprisingly proud to get that off of my chest. kai was a little bitch that appreciated nothing he had. he was an under-appreciative scumbag. he deserved nothing that he had, but walked around like he owned everything. with his conniving attitude he put everyone else in the wrong and him in the right when the whole time he was in the red light.

cole put his hand on my shoulder and guided me to the front door. he moved his hand down to the small of my back and closed the door behind us. my feet sunk into the snow and i hummed in the fresh air. the brisk cold attacked my cheeks and turned them a light pink. cole led me over across the street to the sidewalk and we walked along side-by-side, silently.

"well", cole began and coughed to clear his throat, "where do i start? jay, you've proved that you have enough maturity and common sense to be apart of a cause bigger than you. these past couple of days i've been quite conflicted on this decision, but zane has told me to follow what my gut says and look at the long run. in the future i saw you being beaten up for having your nose in too many people business and having a pretty rough time out there alone. then, i looked at the future with you affiliated with someone like me. you were thriving and doing what you were good at, snooping around. i want you, no that's not right- i want us, to be together. i want to train you, jay, i want to make you better than kai, better than lloyd. join the cause, change the world".

"great pitch, but i don't think a gang is a cause that can change the world. it can definitely impact it, but in a negative way", i shoved my hands deep down into my pockets and nervously laughed, "but i'm afraid".

"afraid of what?", cole stopped and grabbed my forearm, "of me? of kai? of who, of what? can i help? i'll kill anyone who's hurt you, just join us".

i paused and my heart skipped a thousand beats. his touch was soft and endearing.

"no, no! that's not what i meant! no one hurt me, cole, i'm afraid to be jumped in. i mean look at me, i'd have to wait a couple months before i could take another beating like this! i'm weak and i'll always be weak. just let me go home, it's the only place i have where i don't have to worry about this gang crap. i lov- i loved the time spent here away from my house, but this is just a vacation and vacations always end sometime", i shimmed my arm out of his grip and began to walk away from him, "sorry".

"sorry? what the fuck? i let you in my house and treat you like a prince for you to throw everything away? you're just an asshole! this isn't the end, jay, this will never end until you're on my side", he rubber his sleeve across his face and scoffed, "you're gonna wish you had just given in".

don't look back, don't look at his angelic figure outlined by slowly falling snowflakes. don't look at the way his face distorts when he's unhappy and his nose crinkles up. don't think about how much you've observed about him. don't look at the way his fists tense up by his sides and he purses his lips in anger. jay, don't turn around and feel regret like you always do.

don't throw away the small ounce of pride you still have.

because like cole said, you're mature and ready to learn, ready to leave.