Float

eighteen

j

i held onto my black backpack straps all white-knuckled and nervous. my chest felt tight from fear and i quickly walked past everyone in the courtyard and to the gym hallway. i leaned my back against the cold cement wall and sighed.

my hands were covering my face as i tried to calm myself down. there's nothing to be worried about, it's just another day of school. i did this for years upon years without any hesitation, but it's just different now. i literally have zero friends now with my grudge with nya. the first school bell rang, telling me it was time for gym.

i unwillingly trudged into the boys locker room and sighed. my backpack was thrown sloppily into my locker as i shuffled around for my gym clothes. i slipped off my blue shirt and slipped on the gray school shirt. i unzipped my jeans and pulled up the red gym shorts.

"you're back?", a freshman gushed at my feet.

"and who the fuck are you?", i pushed him out of my way as i exited the room and to the field.

a new confidence erupted in me since joining the gang. i actually had people who were looking out for me and that caused a certain euphoria to grow. the coach looked my body up and down and then scoffed.

"you've been working out lately, huh, walker?", he laughed and blew the whistle to rush the girls in the locker room.

i smiled and comically replied, "sorry, forgot to put away these guns".

the coach smiled and then added, "have you ever thought about joining the wrestling team?".

my eyes widened at what he said. the wrestling team was a big thing at our school. only the preppy jocks made the team. i was completely in shock that he'd ask me that.

"hah, no sir", my eyebrows narrowed in as i nervously chuckled.

he handed me a flyer for the teams tryouts and told me to shove it in my bag. i knew i'd have to get permission from cole to join, but i couldn't stop smiling that i'd even be considered for the team. my body still slightly ached from the intense workout regime cole had me on. bruises still were scattered across my fair-skinned body.

after a grueling hour in gym, the second bell rang. walking out into the hallways, nya stood around the corner staring at the boy's locker-room exit. something lured me to walk over to her and just say hey, but i remember the hatred i had for her. ignoring her though just didn't feel right. i just looked down at my feet and continued walking.

as i scurried off to my second period i let my mind wander. my thoughts filled with pictures of cole and how his body was outlined by the sun as he stood in front of windows. kai bumped my shoulder in the hallways and interrupted my wandering thoughts.

"hey, little b", he smirked at me and ruffled my hair, "meet me at the c bathrooms after second? cole's picking us up".

i slightly nodded to the unusually hyper kai.

my seat in second period was originally right next to nya, but to my surprise she was sat in the midst of a group of jocks. i took my seat and snapped my attention to the blank whiteboard.

i could feel her burning stare glance up at me ever so often. i couldn't help but wondering if she was hurting. if this ghosting i was doing was at all putting her in any kind of pain. maybe we was resentful of the pain and just chose to push the feeling away.

second period inched by as slow as ever. just as the bell rang for our next class, i felt nya's soft hand carefully drag over mine.

her glossy eyes met with mine and i could almost feel the sadness she was experiencing by just looking at her. i wasn't an awful human being so i slightly pursed my lips to make her feel in the least bit acknowledged.

"please", she winced to me as i slipped out of my desk and away from her, "please, don't just leave like that. don't turn your back on the years you've wasted on me. those years of tears and laughter must've meant something to you. i was always there for you, jay, i never once sought the worst for you. i just wanted you to be happy, i wanted you to smile a little more often. jay, i never wanted this. i really did like you and i'm sorry i ever even made a move. i regret what i did, i really do. you can't just run away from me anymore. if i'm your problem then just confront me for once, for once please just confront your problems and stop running like a coward".

sharply, i turned back at her and slammed my hand down on the desk she was leaned up against, "don't ever call me a coward".

i gritted my teeth together and looked at her weary eyes. my hand slowly snapped back to my side and i shuffled out of the empty classroom. kai was waiting for me at the c bathrooms and i didn't want to be late.

out of breath, i ran up to the obviously angry kai.

"where were you? jesus, it's been like fifteen minutes!", he sighed and rolled his tired-looking eyes.

gulping, i mumbled, "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm here now".

as kai and i scurried out of the miserable looking school, cole pulled up blaring music out of his car radio. i leaped into the front seat and smirked at cole who ruffled my brown hair as i got into the leather seat.

"where we going, c?", i laughed.