I lie awake tonight, looking at a bland white ceiling. I can't help but let my mind wonder about all of the amazing moments in my life that lead me where I am today. yet I still feel lost.
I get out of bed and walk around my room, throwing on some running shoes and grabbing my headphones. if I can't sleep, I might as well do something productive.
I check the clock before I close my bedroom door, seeing that it is 3 am and I have to be up for school at 7. I sigh and shrug my shoulders, making my way down the staircase.
I get downstairs and quietly tiptoe towards the front door, trying not to wake up my mom. I open the door and walk out, silently creeping through it and closing it.
I make my way to the sidewalk and plug in my headphones, turning on my running playlist as SZA rushes through the speakers in my ears.
before I start my run, I look up at the stars, something I do religiously when I can't sleep. they all look the same, yet they were all made differently. I think to myself every time I look at them:
when the stars aline, will I be happy again? will I be worth it in the end? will every thing fall into place and I can live my life without regrets?
I shake my head and look back at the ground before me, starting to go past me as I run to the beat of my music.
the faster I run, the more my problems seem to fade away, disappearing into the dark night.
I let the loud music consume my thoughts and I go faster. I push myself harder and harder until I can't feel the pain anymore. I feel a few tears leak from my eyes and I try to blink them away, yet they keep falling onto my cheeks.
I close my eyes and let the wet drops soak into my sweatshirt, not caring to open my eyes again before I run into something hard. before I can catch myself, a hand wraps around my wrist and pulls me up before I land onto the ground.
I take my headphones out and open my eyes, revealing the person I least expected to be out at this time of the night.
"liv? what are you doing up this late?" his voice rang into my ears and I slowly looked down at the ground.
"I couldn't sleep and I just needed to get out for a bit. what are you doing up?" I said, not making eye contact for the fear of getting lost in his hazel eyes.
"I couldn't sleep either. mom and dad are arguing again." he spoke softly loosened his grip on my wrist.
I looked up at him for the first time tonight and saw the worried look on his face, making me regret lifting my head up to see the worried look on his face. I let my head fall again, not wanting to see that expression ever again.
"olivia." he says, putting his finger under my chin, forcing me to look at him once again.
"what's going on? why are you avoiding me?" he asks as hurt crosses over his face.
"grayson I can't do this right now. I need to go." I quickly take my wrist out of his hand and turn around to walk away, yet I feel another hand grab my shoulder slightly and turn me around facing the boy once again.
"liv please tell me what's wrong. you keep pushing me away and it's scaring me. you know you can tell me anything." he stares into my eyes, making guilt creep it's way into my head.
"grayson, please promise me you won't think of me differently when I tell you this." I said, my voice shaking as the nervousness takes over me.
"you know I would never." he says and I sigh.
here goes nothing.
"I love you. you literally make me the happiest person in the entire world and I couldn't ask for a better person to be my best friend. I love you so fucking much that it physically pains me to see you with isabelle. I can't imagine my life without you but I can't stand the fact that you will never love me the way you love her. I just can't-"
I feel a warm pair of lips on mine and I melt into them, making our lips move it sync. I wrap my hands around his neck and his find their way to my waist, pulling me closer to him and deepening the kiss.
after a couple of minutes, we finally pull away and I mentally hit myself. I can't believe I just did that.
"oh my god. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I just did that. I'm so sorry." I stutter and let my emotions take over my facial expressions. he was very quiet for a while, not making eye contact with me and avoiding any type of physical contact.
"we can't do that ever again." he said, taking a step away from me, making the distance between us grow.
a tear fell down my cheek and I suddenly realize what I just lost. I turned around, sprinting back home as loud sobs escaped my lips. I didn't stop running until I made it to my house.
when I got inside I didn't even bother to quiet down as I ran into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I slid down the surface and fell to the floor, letting all of the emotions in my body out.
I guess the stars didn't aline tonight. and I bet they never will.
//so sorry for the sad update guys. I've just been feeling sad for a bit and wanted to let it out.
the next imagine will have smut so be ready.
stay rad and stay bad bitches.
-❤emily
