Lovesick(MIW Imagines)

Psychological Drift(Ricky x Devin)

Ricky's p.o v:

        It was such a beautiful picture. My arms wrapped around Devin, blue eyes sparkling in bright sunlight while I kissed his cheek. The softest pink blush had spread across his face. And our little girl, Amber, was standing between us, a little squished. It was best day of my life. I still smiled recalling her adoption, she hid her face in Devin's shirt when he hugged her. We both knew at that point she would be the perfect thing for our little family. 

But the worst part of this photo?

That photo was taken the week before they died.

       That was the day my whole world decided to drop into the ocean. I couldn't stop crying when I found out. A hit and run collision killed them both while Devin was taking Amber to school. It was her first day of kindergarten, she was so excited she couldn't stop bouncing while Devin was tying her hair up in pigtails. They were far too innocent for the hatred of this world. She was far too innocent. And now they've been taken away from me.

And it hasn't gotten any better for me.

     Their memories forever haunt me, tickling my conscious on good days and strangling me with tears on the horrible ones. Those were the days of solidarity and confinement, trapped either in my own head or the thoughts procured from reaching the bottom of a bottle. Mere shreds of pity and mania were holding my sanity together so I could exist here. And be around people who were worried, without my angel and without my little girl. I've cried every night knowing they will never return to me.

Honestly, this life's looking a little bleak.

         Every day I get messages from the rest of the band, asking me to come over and get out of the house. I would always consider, but leave the message unreplied to while the vile snakes of regret and mourning plagued me. Today must've been a better day then the rest, because I replied to Chris's text, deciding I really needed to be outside. So I picked myself up as to not melt into my bed, showered, dressed, and walked to Chris's house, feeling comfort from the warmth of Devin's jacket wrapped around my frame. I rung the bell and stood there for a moment, subtly beginning to feel less of a depression, and more of a vague happiness.

Chris opened the door, the smile on his face couldn't have been more inviting. "Hey Ricky."

I walked in and Chris immediately envolped me in a hug. "Hi Chris."

Chris held me for a bit longer, rubbing my back. "I'm glad you decided to come over."

I could hear the worry in his voice. "I'm glad I decided to respond."

Chris led me in the house, helping me sit down in the kitchen. "I know its been horrible for you, but honestly...how are you?"

I took several breaths, trying to settle myself before I spoke again. "Honestly, its been shit. Utter and absolute shit. It tears a hole in my heart knowing I can't wake up to Devin kissing my nose or Amber jumping on my chest excited as hell and it would only be 7:00a.m."

Chris sat there and listened while I kept going.

"I can't argue with a two year old that she can't eat ice cream at 6:30a.m for breakfast. I can't take her to Disney for her birthday. I can't kiss Devin anymore and tell him how much I love him. I can't sing her to sleep or read to her or take her to my parents for Christmas."

And the tears come back again. "It feels like a part of me is dying every day. Like part of my soul is fading when I look over at his side of the bed. I'm missing Devin everywhere I go, I can barely walk through the house without stopping and crying. I'm just plagued by memories and I can't fucking do this anymore!"