Life Quotes and Funny Jokes

More quotes and jokes

There's plenty of fish in the sea. I just suck at fishing. 

I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds. Then I got a Facebook account and now I'm over it. 

There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who are good at math, and those who aren't. 

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield, it said "Parking Fine." 

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

There are two rules of sucsess; 1) Don't tell everything you know. 

Someone told me I wasn't mature. Guess who isn't allowed in my tree house anymore?

Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?

Study shows that the more birthdays you have, the longer you live. 

That awkward moment when I sentence doesn't end the way you thought it octopus. 

You know what I hate? People who answer their own questions. 

My friend lost his ID yesterday, now we just call him Dav.

If you treat somebody like they're a celebrity, don't be suprised if they treat you like a fan. 

Best friends don't let you do something stupid....alone.

Friends: Help you back up when you fall.

Best Friends: Laugh at you, then trip you again.

"When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile."

"In the end it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away." 

"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."

"When you love someone age, weight, and height are just a number."

(in response to the previous quote) "Saying age is just a number is like saying jail is just a room." 

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