2, maybe a bite

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We had decided that after our shifts tomorrow we should go for a walk in the nearby park and talk in person. The whole day we traded looks. I think other members of the staff noticed, bit they didn't dare to comment for fear of having to talk to Nico. Its not that Nico is scary, he's just unpleasant and rude.
Me and Nico both worked full time, so we got the lunch rush off. Usually we'd just nab something from the restaurant and eat in the break room, but I felt we should do something more.
"Nico, wanna go to Denny's for lunch?"
"Ugh, greasy American food. Always"
"Trust me, the nicotine will kill you before the big Mac"
"Care to wager?"
"Sure, if you get lung Cancer, I eat your liver. You have a fatal heart attack, I eat your bloated heart"
"mmm, cannibalism"
The manager walked in "cut the gallows humor at work, or at least wait until you're outside the restaurant"
"Ah, oui, fils du putain."
The manager smiled, unaware of the insulting nature of the phrase "thank you nico, oh, I mean mercy bowcoup"
We both cringed at the butchered french he so freely spoke. "anyway, have fun on your lunch break you two" he added a wink at the end. I don't think Nicholas noticed, but I did.  "Yeah, will do"

-----

I had ordered a steak, and Nico, a sandwich. Fox news played quietly over the humble chatter of the patrons. Nico took a sip of his root beer and said, "So, I have this idea that I've just been dying to share with you."
"Is it, bloody terrible?"
"More like bloody brilliant"
I couldn't help but smile at the code words we had chosen for talking about Gore in public. The only problem was that they made us sound British.
"Okay spill"
"You remember 'Bahama Barista'?"
"The one by gutterhead?"
"Duh, who else?"
"Never read it all the way through, did they keep her for re-use or?"
"read it for yourself"
"no, there's too much dialogue in that story"
"Fine. She doesn't survive, one guy proposes eating her actually and then the other says she'd be too salty"
I snorted
"OK that's actually really funny"
A kid on his way to the bathroom walked by our table and stared at us
"What?"
"Are you gay?"
Nico looked heavily offended
"No, that's just a very hairy lady, buzz off"
The kid scrambled away
"So, you were saying?"
"We should replicate Bahama Barista"
"Ooh, sorry nico, I don't have the money to travel to the Bahamas"
"Ti, we don't need to travel. With you and me, together we can turn this Oregon town into the Bahamas. Even in February."
I smiled in reply, "I'm starting to think that kid was right"
"Suck your own dick pondscum."
"So when should we do it?"
"Tonight"
I sat upright
"You can't be serious Nico"
"I am dead serious. After work go home and grab a scarf to hide your face with. We'll meet in the park and nab a woman there"
"And then what?"
"Then we take her to the abandoned motel down by the docks"
"I have a knife and club set"
"Bring it, I have chloroform at home"
The kid walked by our table again, and I assumed that he heard our conversation, mostly by the look on his face
"Are you gonna murder somebody?"
His eyes were wide and he was shaking. I couldn't help myself and gave him a broad, villainous grin. "Yeah, your mommy. But don't tell her, or we'll kill you as well"
He bolted from our table and ran over to his mom. From the look on his mom's face she wasn't too happy about what I had said.
She approached with a sour look, her son in tow. "What did you say to my son?"
Nico beat me to the punch, drawling in a thick french accent "Madame, we are sorry if we have offended your child"
She seemed mollified "apology accepted, but why does my son think you threatened to murder me?"
I spoke up this time "we were talking about pigeon hunting and your son accused us of being murderers. Please understand that I've had a long day so I wasn't in the best mood so I responded with 'yes and we're planning on killing your mother'" she opened her mouth to speak so I held up a finger "but, wouldn't have said that to your son, if he hadn't accused me and my friends d here of being gay."
She turned to her son looking rather shocked and appalled.
"I am so sorry for that, please apologize to these two fine gentlemen immediately"
Reluctantly, he said "sorry for calling you gay"
Nico said, in a smooth buttery accent "merci beaucoup"
The mother smiled and left.
"You could use that when nabbing our victim"
"use what?"
"Your accent"
"Then how about you use your face?"
"Why my face?"
"Well clearly that woman found you rather attractive"
"No, I'm certain it was your accent"
"Whatever it was, our food has arrived"

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⏰ Last updated: Apr 18, 2018 ⏰

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