Reckless // luke hemmings

Chapter 3

A/N: OK GUYS JUST A REMINDER THIS IS A LUKE STORY AND I'VE GOT IT ALL PLANNED OUT

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|Jess|

I'm gonna regret this.

I swallow the lump in my throat and nod at the boy my age, knowing that I'm lying. But he looks so happy.

"See you around Jess." He smiled and waved bye. I fake smiled back as I usually do and he drove off.

I wanted him to never come back. I wanted to never see him again, but now that he knows where I live I know that's not the case. At least he wants to be friends and nothing more. Well I'm hoping he doesn't want anything more. I know I don't. I sighed and took out a cancer stick, lighting it, and letting the smoke continue to fill my lungs.

What have I done.

I stomped out the cigarette and walked up to the front door, entering the gates of hell otherwise know as my home. I'd honestly rather be at school than here.

I walked in to see my oh-so-lovely mother sitting on the couch watching tv. She didn't look the slightest bit worried about me. I walked right past her and she didn't even acknowledge me. Not like I actually gave a damn.

I walked upstairs to my room, went into the bathroom and stripped off my clothes and took a shower.

I liked to think in the shower. Even if it meant I'd bawl my eyes out due to thinking too much about, certain subjects. I found the warm running water so peaceful. Like when It rains in the summer time. (A/N: I LIKE THE SUMMER RAIN) I don't know exactly what it is about the rain that soothes me, but I like it. Most people complain about how the rain makes them sad, or how the rain ruined their plans, or how the rain is 'so loud they can't hear themselves think.'. I personally don't see how anyone could think that. I think the everything about the rain is absolutely beautiful. It makes me feel so calm, like nothing can hurt me, even if its a loud thunderstorm, the rain helps me think. Sometimes it helps me think even when I don't want to.

I sighed and stepped out of the shower wrapping a towel around my body and another around my hair.

After drying off I put ripped black skinny jeans. My black and white nirvana shirt and a red, white, blue, and black flannel. I put my curly black hair into a messy bun and did my usual cat-eye makeup.

Then depression hit me like a semi truck.

|Michael|

"See you around Jess." I smiled and waved bye. She smiled back at me. She's very pretty, and I'm glad we decided to be friends.

I'd feel weird, just never talking to her again. I mean, I slept with her. How could I just forget about her like that? I was really drunk last night and all I remember is we were kissing then I laid her down on the bed and it goes black from there. So it's not like I remember fucking her, hell maybe we didn't fuck at all.

I sighed doubting that outcome.

If we did them I'm slightly worried for her, I didn't have any condoms on me. I just hope I'm not dad.

|Jess|

This always happens to me. The waves of depression just come and go like the tides. But the tides have a schedule, depression comes when it wants to and stays as long as it wants and it fucking sucks.

I'm almost one thousand percent sure everyone hates me about as much as I hate myself.

I mean why wouldn't they? I'm a whore.

A lot of people wonder why I sleep around, I wonder myself sometimes. I guess it just makes me feel like I'm not so, alone all the time. But I don't know. I guess it's kind of like when someone has a problem in their life so they do something negative to distract themselves from it. Like when someone drinks a lot, or does drugs, or cuts themselves. That's what sleeping around does for me.

I'd be in an actual relationship, but I know that after a while the relationship gets serious and sooner or later someone is gonna toss the 'L' word around. Everyone knows my opinion on love. It's not actually a thing. And even if it were, how could you just 'love' someone unconditionally. If they slept with someone else? Would you still 'want' them? If they used all of the power they knew they had over you to exploit your weaknesses? Would you still 'adore' them? What if they beat you until you were bleeding on the floor? Would you still 'need' them? What if they just used you? would you still 'love'. them? The answer is no. If you say yes you know your lying. All of those things are unforgivable. And everyone knows that.

I shook my head at the thought. How could you just 'love' someone? If you just think about it, the whole idea of love is just fucking weird. Like you just choose to let that person ruin your life? What if they don't 'love' you back? Now wouldn't that fucking suck.

I rolled my eyes at the entire idea of 'love'.

I sighed not wanting to go out and face the day. All I really want to do is curl up in a ball and die, but I can't. Unfortunately, I'm still at my house and my mom could walk in at any minute and just start nagging and yelling at me for no reason except for that fact that she just loves to piss me off. Or maybe her boyfriend just got home and she wants to look like the good mother she wishes she was.

That's another thing I don't get, why bring someone into this world if your just gonna treat them like shit and give them a horrible life? I would never do that, it's fucking terrible. But sadly that's how it is for most kids nowadays and it fucking sucks.

I got up from my bed, slipped on my black and white converse and decided to be productive. And by that I'm mean I'm moving the fuck out of here. I grabbed my phone, plugged my headphones in and put on Boulevard of broken dreams by Green Day. I grabbed my cigarettes and lighter and slipped them into my pocket. I climbed out of the window and down a tree that's right next to my window. I've done this so many times the fear that I'd fall has completely slipped my mind, and even if I did it would just put me out of my misery. After I climbed down from the tree I walked to the corner store by my house, not the one I stole from yesterday a different one. To be greeted by, you guessed it, Michael.

Great.