Float

Water Under My Skin

"They want us to be more than our feelings, but I am made up of all feelings."-MS

The fractured lights in the darkness twinkle like stars smashed against the pier. The Canary yellows hue splatters between the dimming fog as the salt green shores, shift into a tranquil epiphany.

The cloudless night leaves our articulation bare. The husk of summer cocoons our quiet  sands while we watch the seasons change and grow. There's a silver glow in our city, looming between the soft fugacious tides, while crickets sing to the moon, in the dead of night.

The round moon dances coquettishly compelling the austere indigo sky to dip into her glowing silver-white aura. Yet the sky is afraid of its darkness. It is like a blanket or an endless tunnel, by itself there is no illumination. The sky is lonely, deep in the core of its universe; so many stars, planets, and galaxies yet no one can see through its dark facade.

So it fell for the moon, enchanted by his counterpart.

Nothing was more spiritual or beautiful than the love they made; moonlight.

Yet we are trying so hard to separate the light and darkness within us...

(Anna Pov)

"Momma," I sobbed, howling at the stormy sky. If I could grab my rage and squeeze it in the tight grasp of my fist, then I would realize that I wasn't holding fire, but my red beating heart.

I was incubating this exploding rage for so long, sooo long, that my body felt radioactive. I wasn't the bomb but the chemicals that make it reactive.

Today was a day I would never forget, I met someone amazing in my life, and I also lost someone. Stars grow old and die, then they fall from the sky leaving behind a new era, a youthful eclectic beauty.

Yet which one was I holding onto for dear life?

The weeds of a burning rose, or the love of life and innocence?

Cold tears rained from my eyes as I held my mother's picture in my hand. Sometimes, I felt guilty for forgetting the fine details of her face. It felt like the pain I carried was stronger than my memory.

"Dear Mom,

Dad misses you, again. He never stopped . Sometimes I hear him crying out your name in his sleep, "Rose! Rose my sweet love where are you?"

Then I have to wake up and remind him that we are in drowning in dry places.

"I wish you were here" my voice broke as I cried cradling my knees.

I chuckled, a sad gurgle escaping from my lips, "I met a boy today. I like him a lot, more than I like myself. I realized today that I couldn't hold you both. It's been years since my body touched the water. Swimming was our thing..." I rambled on, "I can't do it without you..." I sighed.

I kissed the picture of my mom, my vision blurred over with sadness as I looked through the lens of my teary eyes, "just like every year, I come here to sit on the shore and talk to you. I leave you a gift, walk away, but leave a part of my eroded soul in the ocean. I am nothing but fragments without you..." I confessed.

"Anna" a soft voice whispered, it carried in the howling wind.

I turned around surprised, quickly wiping my blotchy tears "Jacob?" I asked in disbelief.

Jacob stood before me, a tight leather jacket hugged his looming figure as he looked beyond me at the crashing waves.

We said nothing, brooding in our silence.

"Can I see?" he asked finally breaking the silence. His outstretched hands pointing toward my picture.

Usually, I would say fuck off but something about Jacob made me trust him. My hands shook as I handed him a picture, "It's the only picture I have of her that matters, I don't know how much you overheard, but her name's Rose" I explained quietly.