letters to her voice

2

dear lola,

school is hard because of you. ever since you died last year, kids have been treating me softly. like i'm weird or different. things could've changed. i could've been a normal student. but then you came and screamed and in the middle of class, well this happened:

teacher: "yes, george?"

george: "is the answer fourteen?"

then i thought of you, fourteen. screaming out. aaaahhhh. i heard it all. cupping my ears, i dropped to the floor. i screamed for it to stop, wailing. tears stroked down my face. i could barely breath. but then, i saw it. the lights flickering. the wall. your shadow staring back at me. the space where eyes would be was cut out, showing the wall.

the lights finally sparked and went off. the kids in the room were panicking, running out the door to god knows where, but somewhere away from me.

mr. rockweld yelled over the worried children into the intercom for the nurse. she came running into the room when she arrived and took me to the office. i wobbled standing up and then i got my arm on her shoulder limping to the hall. as soon as i stepped out the hall, the screaming got worse and worse.

finally i let out a scream and kids down the hall turned watching me, exasperated and alone. i was alone. you pulled me away from anything. no one would treat me normal any more. so i muttered as i got into the nurse's room, "thanks lola."

i watched as the nurse came over to me, asking me what was going on. i replied to her with a simple i do not know. however i did. i knew that you were haunting me. and worse, i came to the conclusion that you wouldn't stop until the day i die.

but that's so far away, why would my sister loathe me so much?

because of how i let you die. because i sstood there. helpless. watching you fall. you gave me a hateful look as you dropped. but still shouting, "i love you and mom and dad."

mom and dad were still back at the campsite. and i couldn't have gotten them. but i still could've helped. but i stood there like a idiot.

a tear has now ruined the ink on this page and shattered the words. multiple tears. and then you scream again. when will you stop?

sorry, had to back away from the page a moment. wipe off the tears. you just wouldn't understand. you are so much better off in this situation then i. i deserve it i guess.