songs but stories

My Dear Melancholy,

A/N: I'd like to start this out with a very important message. My favorite artist in the world is The Weeknd. The EP he released last night (My Dear Melancholy,) is so beautiful. Trilogy was deep but this seems to be truly deeper to me because he talks about ending his life which Abel has never done before, or at least said so vaguely. This is a PSA that this story will contain: suicidal thoughts, struggles with depression, drug addiction, and heart break. I just want to warn you. I highly suggest you listen to this EP and all of Abel's other music. He's touched my heart and I promise he can touch yours too. So in honor of this beautiful EP, this entire part will be every song, every story he told in just 6 songs. XO'TWOD<3

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call out my name

   She was so hurt when I fell in love with her. I wanted to do everything in my power to let her know she was important, and I did. The amount of love I felt for her was more emotion than I've ever experienced in my entire life.
   I helped her get better. I made a broken heart whole again. I would have literally gave her my kidney if I could, and trust me I fucking tried.
   She made me a better person too, and I can't hate her for that. I was so proud of myself that I had her. All of my friends knew I loved her. Her friends knew it, my mom knew it, my cousins, and she knew it.
   Which is why her ending our relationship to get back with someone that will never even consider doing half the things I actually did for her hurt so damn much.
   She was my rock. We got each other through so much. And she left so easily because she never even loved me.
   I don't know why she wouldn't let me fall out of love before she destroyed me. I don't know why I'd give myself back to her if she just called out my name.
   It all hurts so much. She doesn't need to love me anymore. I just need her to be with me. I need to kiss her and love her and keep her safe, but I can't anymore. My everything is gone and I'm so lost without her. I'm so lost. I told her I didn't care but I care so much.

try me

   I'd take her back in a split second. I don't want to mess up her life she's living without me, but I can't help wanting to pick up my phone one day and see a text from her.
   All she'd have to do is be alone and away from her man and notify me. I'm ready to give her all of me, but I'm not sure she's ready.
   She just needs to forget about her ego and try me.

   I took a shot of Hennessy and stared around at my house filled with my friends who were enjoying their life. They were all smiling and messing around and I was just sitting there, hating myself, almost wanting to off myself.
   "Are you good?" My closest friend sat next to me.
   "Yeah, I'm great, just out of it."
   "Okay man." He got up and went back to where all my friends were. I used to tell him everything, but when I was with her I told her everything. Now she's gone and I don't tell anyone anything.
   My phone lit up and when I looked down I saw a text from her. She hasn't texted me in months but yet I'd imagine it happening every single moment of my god damn life.
   It was a picture of her. She looked so grownup from the last time we'd talked. She was never ready to give herself to me and I was thinking maybe now she was.
   "Did you miss me?" I texted.
   "What do you think?" She replied minutes later. "I'm ready."
   I still knew her too well. I didn't want to mess up her relationship like she messed ours up. She wasn't ready at all. She'd never be ready. Her looks are too deceiving for her age. She looks mature but she's just a child.
   "Not today. Not ever."
   "What do you mean? I miss you baby..."
   "And I've missed you too. But don't you respect your man? Do you respect anyone, actually? It doesn't seem like it. I think you should practice respecting yourself and others before you make crazy decisions. Now go talk to your man. He won't understand or care like I would have." I sent the message and she left me on open.
   I don't know why I didn't go see her. As much as I wanted to go and see someone that made me so happy, I know I'd be so sad the next day and it took everything inside of me not to text her a simple "me too".   
   I took another shot and many more that night.