An Aftermath Of Many Years (CrankGameplays)

17

9th December 2016

"Hey, just calm down, alright. Take a deep breath with me. In and out. You got this." Mark had a therapeutic voice over the phone. I called him first thing that morning, honestly surprised he even answered the phone. If he hadn't, I would've bit the bullet and called Ethan and everyone could imagine how that would go. "I need you to speak clearly and tell me what's wrong."

"I want to quit. I don't wanna go today. I don't want to go anymore. I hate it." I was crying. Disgusting heavy tears that felt like alcohol flooding my face, drowning me and making everything a blurred mess.

"You just hate tests, you don't hate the coursework, you know this," he sighed. He probably put his head in his hands as well. I could imagine he was at his desk, about to start filming. I was probably being annoying. "Look, you just have to sit through the exam and then it'll be over."

The whole thing was stupid. I hated everything about it, but I couldn't tell if my hatred was steaming from the exam itself or just my mental health. Maybe it was my experiences through high school. I was never that good at taking any kind of test.

"Look. I'll text Tyler and Ethan, see if after you guys could have a movie night or something. You can probably bring Jen."

"No, she's going out with Aaron tonight."

"Oh. That's a development."

"Yeah," I sighed and pulled my bare legs out from under the covers of my bed. "I'll come, though."

"Good. I'll get tyler to text you." I smiled and put my phone on loudspeaker, placing it on the desk beside the dead cactus. It took a special person to kill a cactus. I got out a pair of jeans and a long sleeve shirt. I didn't not wear long sleeves, no matter the weather. It wasn't because I was hiding scars or anything. A blade had never purposely touched my skin. It was to cover the tattoo of a shell on my shoulder. Not some drunk mistake or anything, just that I was young and people always assumed the worst about them. "Wear pyjamas."

"So, like I usually do?" I asked, sliding off the oversized hoodie I slept in. I showered at night to save time in the morning. Usually. Jenny did the same.

"Yeah, but clean ones."

"My clothes aren't dirty." I sounded so offended, but in reality, he was helping me calm down now.

He put on his best impression of a gay guy, "honey, everything about you is dirty."

I laughed and opened my blinds. The fact that it was still dark outside was such an odd concept to me, yet it was dark almost every day I woke up. I was looking forward to a sleep in of sorts. I still had to get up and go to the office. I still had to meet my friends. I still had to do my homework, which come to think of it, I hadn't checked to see what it even was yet. I knew what Jennys was, not that it helped me in any way. She just wouldn't stop talking about it.

"Heh, alright," I sighed and made my bed. It wasn't something I often did, but today I just needed to get some things going in my head. "But I have to get ready. I'll call you after the exam."

"Yeah. And just remember to breathe, Ki."

I smiled. "Got it."

He was in the UK. With Amy. We'd been recording videos for forever in anticipation of him leaving.

The bathroom smelled like coconut oil and mangos. You could tell that Jenny had shaved her legs this morning, and I wondered why she hadn't done it last night like I had. It didn't matter that much. I just walked up to basin and washed my face with warm water. I looked up at myself. How hard was it to go just one day without looking like an undersaturated photo of a pig? Of course, no-one else would agree with the notion that I looked that way. I never knew if that was just them being nice, or if they actually thought I looked alright like this. Blotchy skin, dark circles under my eyes. I looked human. Immaculately beast like. That was the supposed ideal. Then again, so was makeup, but that wasn't my strong suit.

Jenny had, very nicely, pinned a note written on yellow paper to the fridge.

You're gonna fucking ace this test, bitch!
Love, your vegan fuck, Jen.

You could just tell what kind of morning she was having, via the note. I smiled and took the piece of A5 paper, folding it and pushing into the pocket of my worn, black parker. It wasn't quite cold enough for it really, but it hugged me so closely that I just found it comforting. Maybe I just felt like I needed it. Besides, it was cold enough outside now, and I was just about ready to leave. I grabbed the almond milk and the strawberries and made a quick smoothie. I poured it into a travel cup, grabbed my keys, phone and bag and locked the door on the way out.

Jenny and I lived on the first floor, which meant that the stairs weren't much of a hassle for us. Sometimes I particularly hated them, as some of my neighbours knew because I did like to shout about things, but they were mostly fine.

Outside, I made a scene by messily pulling my headphones out of my bag, dropping three empty notebooks in the process and getting the cuff of my parker caught in my hair.

"Fuck," I mumbled, pulling my sleeve free and picking up the spiral bound books off the ground. I only had them because I didn't want to just be carrying a bag with my headphones and wallet and nothing else.

I slid into the Uber and pressed play on my music, leaning back into my seat and taking a sip of my smoothie, prepared for the traffic ahead.