This is the sequel to The Beginning of My Actual Life, which you can find under that title. I suggest you read it before this one as you will get confused :)
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The Beginning Of My Actual Life, 2
Chapter 1
"Wow."
"Wow."
"I, uh I- oh fuck it" Chester said closing the gap between our lips quite effectively.
"Always had a thing for poetry didnt you." I smiled gently breathing onto his nose after he finished his display of affection.
"You know it beautiful."
"You know what I've learnt today?"
"That im amazingly sexy?"
"Pfft no." Then I added, "you already were." After seeing his smile disappear.
"Hahaha knew it! But what did you learn sweetie?"
"Never ever call me that again or you'll wake up missing your left testicle. And what I learnt is that birthday sex is the best."
"How would you know, you've only done it once. But we could make it twice if you're asking." He winked kissing me on the forehead.
"So smooth Chaz so smooth but I reckon you've had enough for one day." I said tapping his nose.
He looked truly shattered but then his face lit up. "On the plus side, I got no action for nearly a whole year and this, this was worth every agonising minute."
"It was angonising?"
"Well, I spent three-quarters of it just looking at you so..."
"So what you're trying to say is that in the part of your mind where bars of soap dont exist you were thinking about it?"
"Well, I am a guy of course I think about it" he grinned.
"You made that sound extremely english and-" I began pausing, having to think about my response.
"And sexy??" he suggested. Im getting the idea that's his favourite word.
"I was going more towards 'and creepy' but since the shoe fits..."
He just laughed and dragged a piece of hair to the side of my face.
Then it got quiet. I started thinking about stuff I'm gonna have to face in the morning. I wish everything could be the way it was in my head, Me n my bro playing die-by-die with Chaz and Mike in the kitchen cooking pancakes with Jade and continuous music on so loud I couldn't hear myself think about anything bad ever n staying young. All of us staying young and never getting sick or having to feel pain. I wish nothing happened. I wish Chester never told me.
I wish I could go back to this morning and tell Dan not to do it and say he could come live here with us and we could all be normal and we wouldn't have to worry about anything and Me n Dan could start a band like we always wanted to. But now i'll never have the chance. Never know what life would have been like if he'd been around.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing.
Well actually I was just wondering why things can't be the way they are in our heads. Why can't we live as long as we want and do everything we want and just be happy? Why couldnt D-Dan be happy, Why do people feel thats the only option? Why are they sad all the time? Why doesnt everyone see life as the amazing oppurtunity it is and why dont time machines exist?"
"Everyone is in charge of their own happiness, If you aren't willing to be happy, no one else can make you.
Your brother believed he would be happier in another place so he went to find it, the same way people attempt to find it everyday for a long time, failing and instead decide to escape the place of recurring misery in their heads.
Some people arent't as lucky as us, you didnt really seem like the lucky type when I met you. It just depends on what you're given in life and what you can make out of it.
It doesn't seem like the right thing to us but to your brother it seemed like the most humane thing he could do to stop the sadness, the only thing his head would allow him to feel."
"You- this has happened to you before?"
"Yeah." He answered lowering his head.
"I'm sorry, who was it?"
"My bestfriend in highschool. His dad wasn't around, off getting pissed off his head and his mum was too busy downing pills. I watched him fall apart slowly. Never made it to graduation,
We always promised to do a bunch of crazy stuff the night we finished school. If he had waited one more day he could've had the time of his life but he couldn't take it and I couldn't help him."
"I'm sorry Chaz, I really just I don't know. I didn't mean to make you upset as well. I know you and I also know you would have done everything you could."
"That's the thing, I didn't. I was too busy skipping school to get drunk to notice how bad he was getting. If I hadn't been in a similar mind set as his father, maybe he'd still be here.
I tried to quit my heavy drinking habits and went to rehab for it.
But then I started getting into it more, and added drugs to the repertoire and before I knew what I was doing that was all I thought about.
Til I saw a poster on a wall somewhere saying some rap/rock band was looking for a singer and they were my age so I thought I'd go for it. Best decision I'd made in a long time. Mike really helped, just listened didn't judge. Invited me to jam with the guys again as long as I layed off the drink a bit before it.
I guess I was thinking 'I might have a shot here' coz after a few rehearsals I started feeling like I was part of something bigger, like I could do something -be someone- I was used to hiding from and abusing.
As I stopped drinking my health and my voice got better which the guys noticed and they appreciated that I was making the effort.
I hadn't talked to my parents in a while, they didn't like the person I had previously become. I don't blame them I hated myself every day but it seemed too hard to change til Mike gave me a reason and the guys, my bestfriends helped me get there."
I didn't say anything I just yawned and put more of my weight on his chest. I didn't have to say anything as long as he knew I was listening.
"I didn't mean to go rambling on, I don't usually."
I nodded slightly "That's okay, thanks for sharing with me I can't say I've done much of that."
"You'll tell me in your own time, but right now you must be really tired... first timers usually are." He added smiling and rearranging the arm that wasn't wrapped around me successfully lifting the mood.
"I thought the guy's supposed to be tired?" I mumbled.
"Yeah but it looks bad if I fall asleep straight after, i'd rather stay awake and keep you company a bit longer" He answered attempting to hold back a yawn.
"You're so fucking romantic, you're amazing" I said talking about the ring and what happened previously that's still imprinted in my memories and what he just said. Then I moved my position so that I'm resting my head on the niche between his arm and chest.
He nudged me closer by flexing his arm and bit my lip. "Goodnight dream of something nice for me."
I placed a hand on his chest. "Goodnight and I would say the same but after our conversation before I know what you'll be dreaming of."
"See dreams do come true just not always in that order" He winked kissing me on the nose before closing his eyes. I snuggled into his side even more and felt myself drift off to sleep.
Not before I dragged a blanket further around myself and thought what an awesome birthday I had even though the day isn't even over yet, I have a feeling it will be before I wake up.
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I know I took the best part of a year to get this up and you all know the story, got caught up in life. Its mostly because all my free time has been taken up by my boyfriend of 9 months (just so happens to be how long its been since i've updated). But hes pretty much my dream guy so "I regret nothing!" But I do really appreciate all you guys for being patient as fuck cos I know I wouldnt be.
