Fingertips | ✓

seven

The next week rolled by and still there was no text from you. I was losing sleep over a simple text message and I knew it was bad for my health, yet there I was, whiling away the hours into the night as sleep escaped my grasp.

Work no longer served its purpose as a distraction. This time nothing could distract me from you. You had promised me a call and you didn't deliver on your promise. The backtrack of your words cut through the trust I so blindly gave you, the trust I'll always give you.

It was the reason why I was standing in front of your closed office door on a Monday noon. 

I took in a deep breath, trying to gather every ounce of courage that always slipped past my fingers with ease, before I raised my hand and balled it into a light fist. I rapped my fist against your plain, brown wooden door.

The next seven seconds that passed made me feel even more aware of myself. I had come from work directly to your office, excusing myself for lunch fifteen minutes earlier than usual so I could catch you at work and try to talk things out between us and hopefully get rid of that tight knot of tension that roped around us.

The door opened after what felt like an eternity and there you stood, your brilliance shining off of you in frustrated waves. Seeing you made me forget how to breathe all over again. Your tie was loosened, your left hand clutched papers which were most probably some important documents as your other hand rested on the door knob with your face in an annoyed expression as the question, "What?" flew out of your mouth in a harsh and hard tone.

It took only a second for the annoyed expression to change. Surprise flickered across those eyes I often thought about and in an instant your stance changed.

"Oh," you said, blinking, trying to get over the shock of seeing me here. I'd never been to your workplace. We had been close enough for you to tell me where you work, what exactly it was you did and exactly what part of the building your small office was stationed. But we had never been close enough for me to drop by at your workplace at lunchtime, or at any time for that matter. That would have been crossing the line but we already did that weeks and weeks ago.

That drunken night was one I often replayed in my head.

"Sorry," you replied, your smile a bit sheepish and I enjoyed the way it made my heart flutter but hated simultaneously that those very lips could crush all my hopes and dreams in a second. "I thought you were Linda."

"Who is Linda?"

I tried to keep my questioning to a certain level so it would not look like I was interested in why Linda would be knocking on your office door in the same manner I had been knocking on your door just a minute ago but with the way your eyes briefly cast in my direction I thought you knew that that was my underlying question.

"Just my colleague who was supposed to work on an assignment weeks ago. She told me she sent me an email, delegating a part of it to me but I must have missed it because I would have done it. Now the deadline is tomorrow and I'm so fucking exhausted."

You returned back to your desk, throwing the documents onto it as you let out a frustrated sigh. I wanted to come close to you and comfort you in an embrace, something that I would have usually not hesitated to do, but with everything between us I didn't think it appropriate to be offering you any comfort now.

You looked back up at me and instantly I began to fidget. I'd spent the morning at work, of course, and I was aware that I looked a portion of a mess. I tried to tidy myself up on the Uber right to your workplace but I didn't know if I did a well enough job. You always made me self conscious.

"Curry, what are you doing here?"

"Er," I began, nervousness easing into my system without an ounce of difficulty, "You said you'd text me sometime this week and...you haven't."

You looked at me for a few seconds and I could not tell precisely whether it was in your gaze or not but I was certain how crazy you thought I was to be in that moment. You didn't text me and I'd shown up at your workplace. Perhaps this very action was crossing the line. But if we already crossed it, was there a problem in moving an inch away from the line and closer to you?

"It's been a busy week. I'm sure I told you that I would be having a hectic week. I know I promised to message you. Sorry, time just flew by and I forgot."

Your apology was said in a half hearted manner but to me it did not matter that your apology didn't have it's full sincerity. The fact that you were apologising in the first place is what made my lips crack into a smile and my heart to thrum to a beat which often happened in your presence.

You raised your arm and glanced at your wrist watch then. Cursing underneath your breath, you pulled out your mobile and said after a few moments, after waiting for the other person on the line so pick up, "Hey. Don't come over to the office. I'm afraid I've got to cancel lunch. Yes. Yeah, perfect. Sorry again, I've got to meet this deadline. Of course. Yeah, love you too. Bye."

I tried not to listen in but I could not fight the green monster within me that was always let loose at the mention of your name or at the existence of your being and mine confined to one room.

"You had lunch plans?" I asked and then quickly added on so it wouldn't seem as if I was prodding into your private life which you clearly wanted me not to be a part of, "I didn't know. I wouldn't have dropped by otherwise."

"Yes, I did. But that's okay. She scheduled them for dinner tomorrow."

She.

A fucking woman.

For all I knew he could be talking about his mother but the nagging voice at the back of my head, the voice which only screamed louder and was unbearable when in your presence, suspected otherwise.

"I should get out of your hair then," I said, somewhat reluctantly. You were busy and with the state you looked to be in I didn't think you'd appreciate my company since it would only deter you from meeting that glaring deadline which I wished wasn't staring at my face and laughing. It certainly felt like that.

"I'll text you, yeah?"

"Okay."

I gave your face one last hard look. The dark hair fell over your eyes and even if you'd never gazed at me longingly or even with an ounce of passion, your gaze always seemed to lock mine. Perhaps it was just the magnetic pull of your stare, the intensity behind your looks that you didn't even realise was there. Your thin lips were still stretched out into a small smile, which I knew was forced since you'd never given me such a smile before that drunken night when we crossed the line, and even if it was tight and forced and nothing like the smiles you gave me, my heart thudded, the familiar rhythmic ring echoing in my ears.

It was then that I realised that with you, Bradley, I could always settle for less. I was perfectly content with whatever you had to offer me, be it a smile which wasn't even genuine, so long as you had something to offer me.

"Bye Bradley," I said, my voice a soft murmur before I turned on my heel and left, closing your office door behind me with great reluctance, and with even greater reluctance I walked out of the building.

You were never mine in the first place. I should have known. I should have prepared myself for the inevitable heartbreak.

But it was you, Bradley, so I didn't. I let my heart carry me away to a place so dark that I still don't know how to escape this void—one you've managed to trap me in with just your mere existence. 

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a/n: y'all have nano to thank for this update. i finished the chapter last night but was too tired to get it up but here it is! also, it's nano month which means more writing which also means *fingers crossed* more updates! my goal is to finish this novella this month. let's see how that goes. 

if you guys have any theories, comments on characters behaviours etc drop them in the comment section! i'd love to hear what you think, especially about Kareena, our spicy mc. 

until next time, xo.