Firelight

Chapter 4

The sunshine was beating down on the glade; the first of Spring's light illuminated the leaf buds, shining off the droplets of moisture on the blades of grass. It was where Connor had played as a child, running and climbing through the nearby trees, trying to catch frogs in the pond, winning at games of hide and seek. And this was just another game of hide and seek, thought Connor, as he collapsed on the damp grass. He had run away from real life, and this was where he would hide, until it could find him.

He couldn't explain why the psychiatrist's office had such an effect on him, but he felt nauseous. Here at least, he was safe; no one could see him cry. Connor hadn't really registered that he was crying; the salt taste lingered on his lips, as the drops of confusion streamed down his face; it all seemed so distant, so unimportant.

The ghosts of his childhood played before him, echoes of children laughing, glimpses of James, Kyle, Aaron, and his younger self mocked him from his peripheral vision, shouting and giggling as they played.

Why couldn't he go back to those days? Back to when he didn't have to deal with God and demons, his mother and hospitals, psychiatrists and himself.

Curling into a ball, Connor focused on those happier times. Without realising it, he found himself drifting off to sleep.

Connor awoke to a glade filled with life. His hair was moist from the light warm drizzle that fell from a clear sky. He stood up, looked around, and then realised he was entirely naked. A combination of horror and shame filled him, as he desperately hunted for something to cover himself with.

All around, birds sang in harmony with one another, chanting in perfect synch. A gentle breeze drifted through Connor's hair, dancing across his bare chest. Somewhere nearby, he could hear a stream lapping against its bank as it flowed onwards. Despite the strange situation Connor was in, he couldn't help but smile.

As he walked, the verdant grass cushioned his steps, before springing back up to hypnotically sway in the wind. Tears of joy began to fall, as Connor walked through this private heaven. Somehow, the tranquil wonder had removed all worldly care. He forgot about his problems at home, forgot about the life he was trying to run away from, forgot even about his own shame.

Unable to contain his excitement, Connor span in circles, arms outstretched, laughing like a child. He could smell orange zest and lemongrass, hear the birds tweeting, feel the radiant sun shine from an azure sky.

Then he noticed her. Clad in a long white dress, her blond hair falling like a waterfall to her waist, she smiled. "Hello Connor."

Connor froze, suddenly remembering his lack of clothes. Yet, it somehow didn't seem important. His mind didn't care. All that mattered was the dazzlingly beautiful girl in front of him. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

"We don't speak here; our thoughts are an open book. Just let go." Her voice as gentle, filled with a musical quality, as though her speech was a line from a song. Connor felt his body relax, as though a part of him had fallen asleep to the melody of her voice, barely noticing that her lips hadn't moved.

"How is this possible?"

"Isn't it obvious? This isn't your world." Again, that melodic tone washed over Connor in waves of sound.

"I don't understand, am I... You know..." Connor trailed off, unable to finish his question.

"Don't worry, you're not dead. After all, you have work to do. You are chosen, can't you see that?" Turning to walk away, the girl beckoned him to follow her. The two walked, as Connor's senses were overcome by the majesty of the world around him. After a while, she stopped. He looked at her, confused. What were they waiting for?

"Just look."

The light seemed to fade from the perfect meadow, slowly merging into a still, starless night. The birds all fell silent as one, as the wind grew in intensity. Within a minute, the only sound was a howling gale, deafening Connor. The grass turned brown beneath his feet, as the maelstrom continued unabated. When the wind finally stopped, after what seemed to Connor like an eternity, the world was dead.

Leaves had fallen from the bushes and trees that had once dotted the meadow. A small army of rabbits lay perfectly still in the charred grass, their fur ripped from them by the wind. The smell of burnt flesh filled the air.

Connor collapsed, throwing up over the scorched earth.

"Another soul has gone, ripped from us. Another part of Eden has been lost forever and we can't stop it." Her voice was no longer filled with song, instead, it was a harsh, raspy tone, like that of a long term smoker.

"Why did you show me this? Why me?"

"You'll understand, just give it time"

The wind returned, building to a howling crescendo, lifting Connor up, throwing him away. The last thing he saw was the girl – the wind as ripping through her, dragging off her dress, flaying her skin, tearing her hair. Then, he was falling. 

No, not falling, he was dying. 

No, not dying. he was burning. 

No, not burning, he was awake.

Connor awoke, screaming in terror. It took a moment for his brain to register where he was, that he was no longer in that nightmare realm. Panting heavily, he fell back into the grass, tears streaming down his face, the image of the girl's final moments branded in his mind.

As feeling gradually returned to him, he slowly realised he felt too warm. As he looked around, he saw a small fire starting in the grass next to him. Feeling strangely calm, Connor closed his eyes, and reached out with his mind. Breathing deeply, he opened his eyes. The fire was gone, with only browned grass as proof it had ever existed.

Smiling, Connor realised what he had to do.