Bumps in the Road

Hi, Emma here. Well this is where my story begins. A troubled girl with boring brown hair, just as boring brown eyes, and awkward year-round olive toned tanned skin. Wait let's not forget the fact that I'm abused by my step-father. My mom ran out on us when I was 5 because she didn't want a child or husband anymore, my step-dad accuses me of her leaving so he started beating me. That's only half of it. My real dad killed himself when he found out my mom was having me. My childhood best friend became famous and doesn't talk to me a lot, like once a month now (maybe less.) I've made new friends that I don't think like me very much, but he was my first and best friend ever. None of my friends know that I'm abused. Niall, my 'best friend', does, well did I guess, know that I'm Insomniac, Claustrophobic, and OCD. And my disorders aren't mild or small, they are major and annoying. Shall I'll elaborate a little more ? Well...

Insomnia- a sleep disorder that is characterized by difficulty falling and/or staying asleep. People with insomnia have one or more of the following symptoms:

Difficulty falling asleep (check)

Waking up often during the night and having trouble going back to sleep (check)

Waking up too early in the morning (check)

Feeling tired upon waking
(and check)

My Insomnia came when I was about 7 and my step-dad would come into my room at night and beat me until I passed out, this went on for about 3 months. From then on I wouldn't fall asleep, in fear that he would do it again. (If you were wondering, he hasn't)

Claustrophobia- an anxiety disorder in which the sufferer has an irrational fear of having no escape or being closed-in. It frequently results in a panic attack and can be triggered by certain stimuli or situations, such as being in a crowded elevator, a small room without any windows, or being in an airplane. Some patients with claustrophobia find their anxiety levels rise when they wear tight-necked clothing.

My claustrophobia came when I was 10 and my step-dad locked me in a closet for 2 months and didn't open the door once. To give me food he would slide a granola bar under the door with a thin flask of water. Ever sense then I was afraid of being closed up in a small space.

OCD- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder characterized by uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts and repetitive, ritualized behaviors you feel compelled to perform. If you have OCD, you probably recognize that your obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors are irrational-but even so, you feel unable to resist them and break free.

There are more than one type of OCD, mine however is this: Doubters and sinners, afraid that if everything isn't perfect or done just right something terrible will happen or they will be punished.

My Doubters and sinners OCD came in when I was around 13 and I was forced to clean EVERYTHING ! My step-dad made me clean, and if something wasn't done right I would be be horribly punished. So from that point forward if something wasn't done perfect the first time I went back and started all over again with whatever task.

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As you can see all of my issues have to deal with my step-dad in some wicked way. I am pissed off that my real dad would kill himself over me and my mother would leave me with a pig like him. Don't think he's a pig, well he is. He has greasy hair/skin, dirty clothes from his job as a landscaper, and to set off the whole look his bangs come down to a curly cue, you know like a pigs tail.

Any way, to sum up my life I'm unwanted by all the parents I've been given, I've lived with a abusive pig for 17 years, who triggered three MAJOR disorders in my life, my best friend, whom I miss, is too busy for me, and the friends I have now exclude me from every plan outside of school. So yeah I have a fucked up life, but I have to share it with someone, right ?