Am I......?(BxB)

Chapter 11

The next hour is somewhat of a blur. All I know is that I cry and cry and cry with Mom holding me tightly. I finally calm down after the clock hits ten-thirty. "How're you feeling?" Mom asks me.

"Like someone's stabbing me in the heart over and over again..." I say wiping my face dry.

"I know it hurts right now, sweetie. But I know you'll find someone else."

"But I don't want anyone else. I only want Leo. I loved him so much, Mom..."

"I know, sweetie. Do you know why Leo broke up with you?"

"No. Everything was going so well. I loved him. He loved me. All of our dates had gone perfectly. We got even closer after the whole incident with Brian. Today we even..."

I stop mid-sentence and feel my mouth tighten up. A bit of water fills the corners of my eyes and I quickly wipe it before more tears can fall. Mom lets go of me and looks me in the eyes. "I didn't quite hear you," says Mom. "You and Leo what?"

I sniff my nose and look back at Mom. "Leo and I...we..."

Mom holds her hand up. "Say no more. I already can guess what you're going to say. Were you at least careful and used protection?" I nod. "Good. Did you notice anything going on with Leo while you two were...having relations?"

I shake my head at first but I think back to a few hours earlier. "Well, Leo was pretty quiet the whole time. And after we...made love...I thought I saw a tear fall down his face."

"Sweetie, do you think you maybe pressured Leo into something he wasn't ready for? Didn't you say a few weeks ago that Leo wasn't ready for that level of a relationship?"

Mom's right. Maybe I did pressure Leo into having sex with me, but if he just said no, I would've stopped. "Yeah, he said he wasn't ready when we first got together," I say. "But it seemed like he was ready when we were in bed together."

"Maybe Leo just didn't want to disappoint you. Maybe you were ready for sex and Leo wasn't. But he loved you so much that he swallowed his feelings and relented. I'm sorry I can't tell you more, sweetie. I want to help you, but there's only so much I can do here."

I want to cry again, but it feels like all my tears have been shed. I pull Mom into another hug and cry tearlessly into her shoulder. "I love him so much, Mom."

"I know you do sweetie. It'll be okay."

Mom's words may be a little comforting, but without Leo, it feels as if my world is falling apart...

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Dad gets home later that night and from my room, I can hear Mom telling him what happened. Dad comes to talk to me as my sheets are getting washed. He tries to say a few things to me, but I'm too upset to hear anything anymore. I ask him to leave me alone and he grants my wish.

Mom lets me stay home from school the next day. I spend the entire day in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about Leo, and crying a little more. Mark and Shawn text me late in the morning, wondering where I am. I tell them I'm taking a day off, nothing else, and they tell me they'll see me tomorrow.

Dad finally gets me out of bed at about eight at night, telling me to get something to eat. I haven't eaten all day, so I'm starving. I walk downstairs and the smell of melted cheese, cooked meat, and steamed vegetables fills my nose. I see a large pepperoni, sausage, onion, and green pepper pizza sitting on the counter and Mom and Dad sitting in the living room.

I grab a plate from the cupboard and take a slice of pizza and take a seat on the couch next to Mom. "Hey bud," says Dad. "How're you doing?"

"I've been better," I say.