******WARNING!!!!!!! Self harm is included in this chapter. If you feel uncomfortable with that then do not read this chapter. Remember to vote and comment. Feel free to leave suggestions and PLEASE tell me if there are grammar mistakes. Also, if you have any better ideas for the title that would help because I'm not really sure what to call this one. Thx!******
Third POV
There was a boy named Cyrus Goodman. He was gay. And he had a crush on his best friend's boyfriend: Jonah Beck. Yup. The Jonah Beck. And Cyrus knew he couldn't break Andi's heart, but this meant shattering his own every time he saw Andi and Jonah together. Only one other person knew Cyrus' secret: Buffy Driscoll, Andi's other best friend.
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Cyrus POV
Ugh why does he have to be so perfect? I thought to myself as Jonah beck did his slow motion entrance to the school cafeteria. He says hi to a few people, strolls a few steps, dude nods his head at someone, and finally makes his way to the table that Buffy, Andi and I are already sitting at. "Hi Jonah!" I say a bit too eagerly. "Hey babe, " Andi says, I could sense that she was trying to be cute with Jonah. The awkwardness between them eases my pain slightly even though I know it shouldn't. They are still a thing and I will never be good enough for Jonah. I subconsciously stand up and almost run to the boys bathroom and sit on the seat holding my head in my hands. I just couldn't stand it anymore. I take out my pocket knife and roll up my sleeve. My heart starts to pound out of my chest. I lay the blade on my forearm, press and drag.
Cut.
I'll never be good enough for him.
Cut.
Everyone with think I'm a freak.
Cut.
How can the pain in my heart be worse than this?
I look down at the floor making sure there isn't any blood on the floor and that's when I hear it. The bathroom door swings open letting in a voice I can recognize in my sleep. Jonah. I suck in air and hope he doesn't hear me. "Cyrus?"
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Shoot he knows I'm here. I quickly roll my sleeve down and shove the knife in my pocket. "I can hear you, Jonah says. I unlock the stall but don't move. I wait a split second before I hear other stall doors opening. Jonah quickly figured out which stall I was in and immediately pulls me into his arms which I don't reject. I wasn't even in his arms before the tears began to spill out of my eyes. Jonah's arms wrap around my frail body and his heat radiates through me. I sob into his shoulder mumbling "idontdeservetobealive." I only begin to cry harder. "Yes you do Cyrus. Whoever made you feel that way doesn't deserve to be alive." How could he understand what I said? I look up straight into his luscious green eyes. I was in such a trance that I barely realize the new pair of lips on mine. I kiss back then pull away. "This is wrong." "Why?" He asked. Did he actually forget about Andi- his girlfriend?! "Uhh Andi?" He did! A look of complete terror flashes across his face. "Crap."
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"What are you going to tell Andi? I mean unless that was an accident or out of pity of just caught up in the moment-" His hand moves from my back to my lips in one swift movement. His finger stops me from continuing.
"Don't worry about it. I'll figure it out."
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Jonah's POV
I walk home alone from practice and the whole time I was thinking about how I could break the news to Andi. The feeling of Cyrus's small gentle lips against mine keeps racing through my head. I finally reach my house and unlock my front door, run upstairs to my room and jump on my bed. I have to text Andi.
J- hey can we talk?
A- sure babe. Wassup
J- what you said there
A-what?
A- you're scaring me
J- I'll FaceTime you. One sec
"FaceTime andiman" I tell Siri. Not even a full ring and she picks up my call.
" so what is it?" Andi asks.
"Well the first thing is: I think I'm bi."
"Oh cool... Wait how did this suddenly come up? Why are you telling me this now? Just out of nowhere?!"
"Andi, please let me explain."
"Talk. "
"Today at lunch when Cyrus ran away, I found him in the boy's bathroom sobbing and I pulled him into a hug. He was a mess. He said he didn't deserve to be alive. And then..."
"Then what?"
"Then I kissed him."
" You what?! Jonah I can't believe you."
I move out of the frame as tears start to roll down my cheeks.
"Hey Jonah I gotta go. Talk to you later."
*******
Jonahs POV
It was 5:00 and I normally don't eat dinner until around 8 so I have plenty of time to kill. I didn't feel like doing school work so I open my laptop and go to YouTube. I wasn't fully aware of what I was doing but I somehow typed into the search bar: how to deal with heartache. I spent more time than I expected watching videos talking about why being single is good every once in a while and that I should embrace the pain. It is only when I hear my phone ding that I check the time and it's almost 7:00. I look at the notifications and see that Cyrus is texting me.
C- hey Andi called me
C- why didn't you tell me what you were going to do?!
C- please respond
I open my phone and text him back:
J- I was caught up in the moment
-It kept eating away at me for the rest of school and practice I could barely focus
C- well right after you guys hung up she called me sobbing saying "how could you do this to me?" I just kinda sat there while she ranted about it
- I eventually was able to explain the whole thing to her again but more gently
- Hopefully we'll both think it's funny that we both like the same guy
J- I really should have let you explain it to her instead of just throwing it in her face
C- yeah no kidding
J- sorry Cy Guy but I gotta go eat
- Ly
C- u too
*end of text conversation*
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Still Jonah's POV
I can't believe I actually sent "Ly" to Cyrus!! I didn't even realize I did it till I sent it, and he said "u too"!!! AAAAAGHH OMGGGGG this is crazy!! That could have gone so wrong. I go to his contact in my phone and add a pink heart after Cy guy . I don't want to put the red heart too soon. Or do I? Ugh Cyrus' nervousness must be contagious. Not that I'm upset that he is rubbing off on me.
"Jonaah!" My mom calls from downstairs.
Shoot I forgot about dinner.
I walk downstairs trying to tame the huge smile on my face by putting on my usual slight smirk. I might just be falling in love with Cyrus Goodman. Maybe just maybe.
