In Search of a Sidekick

"Saving the World"

The whole "saving the world" business is a lot harder than it seems. A lot harder. It's not that I don't want to save the world, trust me I do, it's just that I'm so damn lazy. My therapist, Karen, says I'm depressed, not lazy. I can't help but feel that that's slightly untrue this morning.

Being depressed means I can't miss my meds, but being lazy means I'm not going to walk across the hall to the bathroom to take them.

I snooze my alarm three times before sitting up to start my day. I start my day late. Most people have already had brunch or a very early lunch at the least. The mailman has already delivered my mail and the garbage is picked up hours before I'm conscious once a week. It's one of the perks to being a city-wide proclaimed "hero" and a self proclaimed "retired hero".

I pick up the paper from outside my door and scan the front page for any interesting turn of events from yesterday's paper. I do this every morning with a cup of coffee and the medication that keeps me chugging along.

Karen uses that fun language often.

There's a sale at a grocery store and a lost dog has been found. It seems as if the world saves itself most days. Without the help of me. No hero needed. It just further justifies my early retirement at the ripe age of twenty-six.

My ringtone interrupts my half dazed gaze at the front page. It's Karen.

I inhale sharply before answering. "Hey, Karen."

"Good morning, Sam, I'm not waking you, am I?" I could hear the squeak of her swivel chair behind her voice.

"Oh, no, no, sadly not," I sip my coffee. "Any reason for this call?"

"Can't I just say 'hi' every now and then?"

"Do you know what time it is?"

"Do I know what time it is?" she mocks. "Yes, I know what time it is. It's almost noon. People are up and about by now."

I push air through my teeth. "People, yeah, people. I'm a hero, Karen. Heroes need sleep."

"Oh please." She sighs. "But this does have to do with that."

"Does it? You know I'm just kind of taking a break and--"

"No, no excuses. Meet me at the coffee shop at twelve-thirty, okay? That's in forty-five minutes, is that alright? We need to discuss some things."

"Karen." Click.