Pokemon Craziness

Wow, this has become a rant book

 By the title I'm pretty sure you know what this chapter is...

 A rant...

 Seriously, I have an issue. And it all starts with this boy. My age, kind, a gentleman [when he wants to be], and super cute! I met him four years ago and we immediately hit it off. We've been friends since! The problem? I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM!

 Okay, I guess I should explain. Three years ago I developed a crush on him. He was the first one to smile at me on my first day at homeschool co.op and the first one to welcome me. He made me feel like everything might actually turn out alright, even though I was nervous. He wasn't my first crush, but he was the first I was serious about. About six months later my best friend [one of the three people in the world I would trust with my life] told me she had a crush on him too! From then on it was a game of "who can catch his eye?" She did.

 It was her...

 It was always her...

 I saw the signs. The way he looked at her and the way he looked at me weren't the same...

 I was just too young and dumb to know...

 And to know how much it would hurt...

 He gave her a letter at Christmas, telling her to open it when she was alone. She let me read it, but I didn't need the conformation. I knew what it said, without reading a word. After Christmas break she told me they were dating. Me, being the weakling I was then, went and hid behind the dumpster, crying. Well, if that didn't send me into depression, it sure didn't help any. Of, course nobody knew I had depression. They still don't.

 Anyway, my friend [let's call her Mandy] always told me that he said he didn't want to hurt my feelings, so if he avoided me that was why. He did avoid me for a while, but when he stopped, we talked some, but it was kinda awkward. Ya' see, ummm... I never told him about my feelings for him... Mandy did...

 A while ago Mandy told me that he broke up with her. She said he did it through coded letter, and it sounded like he didn't want to. She said she only had a crush on him, so it was no big deal. I don't know why all this time it was staring me in the face, and I never saw it. I wondered if every crush hurt this much, but concluded that it didn't since it had never hurt before. I liked him. Like- liked him. [I just realized how childish that sounds but, whatever.] Btw, by this point in time I've decided I no longer like him.

 Since they split, it hasn't been weird. We can be comfortable around each other, whether it's the two of us or the three of us. Today he and I were playing a card game [because he left his tennis shoes at home lol] so he taught me to play War. He was joking around with me the whole time and constantly wore a smirk. For some reason I couldn't help but think about how much I love it when he's confident. I tried to shake it off but couldn't. He eventually started winning, and as he realized this his eyes began to shine. The feeling I had warded off for so long came back. And as we finished the last bit of the game he smiled at me. I was trying to arrange my few remaining cards so that I'd get another chance at winning, but his smile threw me off and I lost. [Yes, that's my lame excuse for losing at War... And Sequence.. And Rummy..]

 NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OR FEEL! someonehelpmebeforeigoinsaneplease!

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 Okay, I know all of that sounds like some kind of movie or book summary, but I assure you it's my real life... Boy problems suck...