Despite not being a fan of coffee, Jay had been working as a barista in a coffee shop for a while now. He would spend most of his time observing the customers here, listening to their stories, finding inspirations for his new work. Then, his gaze fe...
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Jay put a cup of warm mocha in front of her and prepared a smoothie for himself. It was odd to Cassy that he, being a barista at a coffee shop, preferred smoothie. She peered at him in confusion, to which he gladly admitted that he is not a fan of the bitter and sour taste.
"Mocha is sweet though, " she argued.
"It's still coffee," he reiterated.
Cassy shrugged, letting out a light chuckle.
"You don't seem bothered though," he uttered, after making sure she was in a relaxed state, carefully tracing any change in expression before continuing, "By what just happened."
"I am used to it," she mumbled, tilting her face towards the window. Her eyes searching for a sign of spring in this cold March. Yet, the city was still sprinkled with shades of white.
Jay didn't ask anything further, patiently waiting for her to continue as he sipped on his smoothie.
After a moment, she turned back, allowing her eyes to meet his. He put his smoothie to the side, staring straight back into her eyes, sending silent encouragement and creating a personal bond.
"I am asexual, " she confessed. Her tone was low and soft like a feather, almost as if nonexistent.
"It is hard for me to fulfill his needs because I can never help myself to like it and never in the mood of doing it," she elaborated, allowing a soft smile to play on her lips. It didn't feel like she was talking about herself. If Jay didn't know better, he would have thought she was just merely talking about an acquaintance.
She continued to tell him about her past relationships, which all failed miserably because she could never feel any sexual attraction towards them. There were even times when she would just look in the mirror at her hollow eyes, trying hard to figure out who she actually is. There were times when she would curl herself up in her bedroom, sobbing, thinking if she really did like them or did she mistook affection for romance.
"...Honestly, I don't blame anyone who broke up with me because of this. What I couldn't tolerate, though, is cheating and lying. Two sins he committed," Cassy explained, her finger drawing circles around the edge of the cup.
"But you knew," Jay stated as he tried to read into her eyes.
"I am not stupid," she didn't avoid his gaze that sought her inner monologues, generously feeding his curiosity with pieces of information, "I hated how he always told me that he would not leave me because of my lack of sexual orientation yet come to me reeking perfume of another woman. So, instead of breaking up with him, I decided to see him suffer while thinking of excuses to lie to both me and her."
Jay nodded. Taking another sip of his drink, he asked, still locking his eyes on her, "Did you like any of them genuinely?"
Cassy's finger came to a halt.
"I did at first," she muttered, her eyes following the lines of her reflection on the dark brown liquid," until I stopped having any expectations."
"It was not a wrong decision to always keep my guards up. After all, all of them left me for the exact same reason." The smile that faded from her lips made its appearance again, painted with bitterness this time.
Jay didn't know how to reply. He didn't want to comfort her with empty words like "you will find someone who fully accepts you" or "it was their loss". He knew very well that she must have already become immune to these words and didn't want to hear them for the millionth time. If he could, he would rather show her that not everyone is the same. Yet, he was only interested in her. He couldn't even promise himself that he would develop any further feelings, let alone trusting himself to not hurt her like the others did, which is why he swiftly changed the topic in the most natural way possible.
He talked about himself, about how even though he was a spoiled brat at home, now he's just a struggling writer who's trying his best to achieve his dream. He talked about how he was on a project to retell the stories of the people visiting the Coffee Shop.
Cassy was indeed a good listener. She didn't cut in and only commented when it's needed. Also, to Jay's surprise, she even offered to be the illustrator of his book. Though he was slightly taken aback by the suggestion, he gladly accepted the offer. He could tell, behind her intimidating eyes lived a girl who was rather friendly. He wondered if others had misunderstandings about her like he did, for which he couldn't even approach her for months.
He must admit, despite everything, she was a pretty attractive woman. Her eyes held stories that he craved to discover, and so he did, by clinging on to her using a tag of a "friend", trying to pull her soul closer to him.
