The One Who Waits

He's back again. I've seen him lurking around for days but then he went away and I could breathe again. He worries me, this lurker. I can't call him my stalker, I don't know that he is stalking me, it could be anyone. He just happens to hang around my flat. There's other people in the Building, it's fine. 

It's not the first time either for him going, then coming back, he does it periodically. But every time I think I am rid of him he comes back,  like he sensed my moods and appears when needed. 

I told my parents about him, of course I did, but they just shrugged and came up with generic answers like "You can call 999, ask for help." "Why don't you just *talk it out*".

It's not that I don't want him gone, I'm just scared to approach him. They don't seem to get it, more the worse I live alone too, I even called my ex-boyfriend when I was desperate, but he just sighed and said "We've been through this before, it's fine, you're fine, it's nothing to worry about, it's just like last time". 

But I do worry, how not too? He turns up everywhere, it's bad enough seeing him in the local shops but seeing him near the  place I call home, the place that is safest to me, fills me with complete trepidation, fear and nausea. It's like he knows every step, place and address that I have ever walked and has walked them too but has thriven on it, growing with each foot print which was walked by mine.

No one else seems to be bothered by him, maybe because they don't think like I do, or maybe because it's not them so they don't care, why should they after all, I live up to the stereotypes. 

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It's getting too much, I've called the police, asking for help. They passed me onto 911, they thought it wasn't important enough to be called first priority.

Trust me, it feels like the most important thing in the world at the moment. My life is being threatened and you decide it's not "First priority", couldn't you have said  "We will get someone to have a look as soon as possible, it will be okay, try not to panic, you are safe"?

Instead I am put on hold, made to listen for 5 minutes, then 8 minutes and finally  14 minutes of classical, static music, as you put me to the bottom of your piles of "Priorities." Then when the phone is finally picked up, you tell me "This isn't appropriate to us. We will pass you on further. Thank you for your time." and again I wait.

By this point I'm growing frustrated, It's another waiting game, off shuffling cards but them never being dealt out, and the time is running out, I'm tired of it. 

I tried, I tried to tell them about the man, but apparently other people have complained about him and he is now declared "Harmless."

Then if he is harmless, why does he scare me so much, if he scared everyone like this, shouldn't he be one of the top priorities, because he makes me irrational, panicky and I can't shake him off.

Eventually they put me onto someone and they tell me the verdict. "Talk to him, look for some future help." And leave it.

So I do, it's hard but I walk out my door and lock it behind me, just in case, despite him being at the end of my path, and walk towards him. 

He lifts his head up and I am surprised, he is attractive, swarthy but with the most startling lapis lazuli eyes. They light up when they see me, maybe he was after me, and goes to greet me as though we are close friends. He offers his hand but I ignore it, I don't want to let him touch me. 

"I came here just to talk and ask why, why me, everyone says it's nothing, I'm making it up, but I'm not am I, you're after me. Why."

He smiles a crooked smile and nods his head. "Yes it's you. You are too strong, I've been trying to crack you down for a while now but it's never worked. Most people have guessed by now why though. It's because you are stunning, you need a few cracks in you. You put up this wall and are proud, we needed to see if we could crack even you."

I start to shake then. "Who is we?" I say, with my chin held high, although it wobbles and tears threaten to spill. Finally it's coming clear.

He looks at me through his dark lashes and laughs then, and it's a nice laugh and that scares me even more. "You really don't get it, do you?" He says in wonderment. "We, being my brother and I." as though it is the most simple thing in the world.

I get more and more frustrated, this man is an enigma and he won't give me the solution. "Who are you? Who is your brother? What is your name and why don't you ever stay away for long?!"

" I am Depression, this is only the start, now we are introduced I will stay forever and my Brother is Mania. You feel him when you are at your happiest. He is difficult to get on with and we argue. He is arrogant, despite being bright and he doesn't understand what is best for you, I am much easier to settle with."

He takes my arm and leads me back to the house. "Now, why don't we get more settled and start to get to know each other better."

He unlocks my house with his key and opens the door, flashing me that smile that melts the insides. "After you."

And we go in.