You're dead to me..

You're dead to me...

PROLOGUE:

I fluttered my eyelids open. Adjusting my eyes to the bright lights of the room I was lying down in. I could faintly smell medical supplies and microwaveable food in my nose as I inhaled the air.

Next to me was a heart monitor, beeping every few seconds telling me my heart rate.

There was only one place I could be in. The hospital. The only thing is, I have no recollection of how I got here. None whatsoever.

The grey hospital curtains opened quickly, making me jump. There stood a woman before me - supposedly in her late twenties. Her name tag indicated that her name was Janice. She had short, silky dark brown hair that stopped at her shoulder line.

"Hello.. April is it? Yes, yes." She nodded as she looked at her clipboard.

"What happened?" I asked, screwing my face up in confusion.

"Oh, forgetting recent events is a common result-"

"Skip that crap," I interrupted hastily. "what happened?" I asked again.

Janice bore her chocolate brown eyes into mine and bit her lip.

"You were in a car accident."

And then it all hit me. Like a person getting hammered by a towering wave at the beach.

I started to feel nauseated. My stomach churned and I felt as though I was about to barf.

Memories instantly flooded through me. Ryan.. I was with Ryan. We were having a picnic at the park. We walked around after we ate dinner and held hands. He.. He stopped walking and kissed my hand. Then he bent down and produced a box with a ring in it from his pocket. He looked so handsome in the dusky purple sunset.

He was telling me a speech, about how much he loved me and wanted to be with me.. Then all of a sudden, a car horn blared and we turned around. Bright headlights approached us. Coming closer and closer at a rapid pace. Much too quick for Ryan to stand up and get away.

It all happened so fast.. He turned around and looked at me in the eyes and whispered softly; "I love you."

And then that was it. The speeding car drove through the bushes and crashed into his body, forcing him into me and us both then flying painfully into a nearby tree. I couldn't escape. The car was pressing against Ryan's body, which was also holding me between him and the tree with no sense of escape. I was stuck.

His face.. His dear sweet face. It was so pale, lifeless. All energy and emotion drained from him.

The man I had grown to love for over three years was dead, and he never had a chance to even propose to me. That's what made me cry the hardest at that moment. The only thing I could look at in my stuck position was his face. His colour drained face, his smile twisted into a painful frown. His forehead bleeding, his legs broken from the impact. There was no place I could go. Not one single thing that could possibly bring him back. No way to rewind time to avoid this monstrous event that had now ruined me. Forever.

He was gone... The man I had fallen in love with since the age of fifteen was gone..My first love. Just like that..

There was absolutely no way to bring him back...

I let the tears flood through my weak body. All I wanted to do was die right then, in that hospital room. I curled myself up into a ball and rocked continuously on the hospital bed. The doctor asked if I was okay and placed her hand on my shoulder. I shoved her away, demanding to be alone.

The memories kept running through my mind, how I wish I had died with him, in his arms to avoid this mess. There was no way I could live without him. Especially knowing that the driver of that car could still be alive, walking free.

"Ryan..." I whispered as I came into a fit of sobs once more. I looked at the palms of my hands. They were scarred from the shards of glass that penetrated my flesh. My face stung from the burn cream. I couldn't bear to look at my reflection as the memories flooded into my mind again.

I was allowed out of the hospital the next day. But I was in no fit state to move, no mood to care, I just layed there helplessly, staring blankly at the turned off tv.

Eventually, I had to return home, dad picked me up and had a grim expression on his face. My sister looked at me sympathetically. She was only two years younger than me, but still had an idea of how I felt. However, no one knew how I feklt to my true extent.

Everything at home reminded me of Ryan. The photos, the jewellery he bought me, the sweet letters we used to send to each other when we first met, the smell of his musky deodorant on my clothing.

I didn't want to be here. Not in this town with all these constant reminders of him. I needed a change. A new place, a new beginning. And that's exactly what I did.

I packed my bags a few days later after returning home. My father was worried about my decision, he thought that the best thing was to stay at home, with my family, but I was determined to get away from this godforsaken town as soon as Ryan's funeral was over.