Slow Burn | HS

fire that's closest kept burns most of all

June 2018

Joelle holds her breath to avoid another sigh from escaping her. Her knees, slick with sweat, keep sliding on her mat. She should've worn pants, but with the heat of early June came heavy humidity.

"Deep breaths," Otto coaches beside her, his own voice sounding strained. If Joelle's arms weren't already straining to hold her upright in these different plank positions, she would've punched him.

Outdoor pilates in the Common sounded like a great idea, but there were no trees in the grassy section they were in and she was probably sweating off all of her SPF 50. A toddler was crying nearby after tripping while his sibling was chasing him, and the shrill sound of a siren in the distance reminded her of Harry.

Joelle was ready to pack up her mat and leave when the instructor said they were doing more ab exercises. Otto must have sensed her displeasure.

"I thought you were a track star," he says to her, going double her speed with his reps. She rolled her eyes so hard she thought she'd give herself a headache. Her legs never used to feel this heavy. Doing reverse crunches now seemed much harder than when she was seventeen.

"I was. In high school." Joelle was questioning if she should continue working out with Otto. He was a great friend, but she was not one to chat while exercising. She would tolerate it though. He was a good distraction. "College ruined me."

"Same," he agrees. "Freshman 15? More like Freshman 30."

"I didn't gain any weight my freshman year," she grunted out. "But then I got too confident and I gained it sophomore year."

Joelle did her best to focus throughout the rest of her workout. It was easier to stay on task when she remembered that she needed a distraction.

Thirty minutes later, the two of them were walking to the closest T stop, water bottles and yoga mats in hand. Joelle steps behind Otto to dodge a stroller and lengthens her strides to catch back up with him.

"What's Mia been up to lately?" he asks conversationally once she's beside him again.

"She just got hired to intern at a law firm back home for the summer, so she's been meeting with them and preparing before she really gets into the swing of things."

"And no word from Harry?"

The whole reason Otto had invited her to exercise with him was because she'd told him about their fight. Mia knew about it, of course, but was always wholeheartedly biased toward Joelle in any situation. She'd wanted a guy's opinion anyway, and it didn't feel right reaching out to Liam or Niall - mutual friends of Harry's.

"No, we've still been talking a bit." Harry had texted her the day following when he stormed out of her apartment.

Please don't give up on me.

Her heart felt like it was being squeezed inside her chest when she read that message. It took her a few minutes before she said I'm not going anywhere. Please text me updates.

Give me a few days to sort everything out. I'll text you every night and see you soon.

Not for the first time, she wanted to assure him that she loved him, but the first time she told him would not be via iMessage. And she didn't want him to think that the way that he spoke (or yelled) at her was tolerable.

"I think he's doing a little bit better. I spoke with Mara briefly, and she said that he's been updating his doctors like he's supposed to and has been willing to accept help from the home health aide that's been stopping by."