God of Lies

A Life of Regrets

The next couple of months were spent with constant company from both Thor and Frigga. Odin, of course, would not come. Loki didn't care. He was too busy trying to wrap his head around the love his adoptive brother and mother harbored for him, even now. The Allfather's absence was something he could understand but the other two members of their broken family's presence baffled him entirely.

In this time both Thor and Frigga made it their business to nurse Loki back to health. He, of course, did not make it easy on them. When they tried to feed him he turned his back on them. When they tried to persuade him to rest he sat straight up. It didn't matter how tired or hungry he was. He was being fussed over and he liked it. Of course he had to make it seem like he hated every minute of it, like he resented their concern. This did not help anyone. Part of him had started to believe that he hated their presence but the other part wasn't so certain. It was only in moments when his mother ran her fingers through his dark hair while he pretended to sleep, or when his brother fell asleep in the chair placed by his bedside that he had any real clarity. It was only in those little moments that the mess he'd made for himself faded away and he understood that he loved them and wanted their love.

All his life he'd craved his family's attention whether it be good or bad but it was never enough for him. Turns out all he really wanted was their love. Had he realized this sooner he might've lived a happier life, might've avoided being hopelessly miserable and scraping for any attention he could get his hands on. He realized now that he'd taken the opportunity of a happy life away from himself. This realization caused him to cry, letting out deep frustrated waves of sobs.

        Thor, who had left momentarily to speak with their father about things that needed to be done in the other realms, returned to find his brother curled up on the far edge of the bed, letting out heavy whimpers.  He approached cautiously, his step lighter than it might've been otherwise. "Loki...?" He said softly. The sobs were stifled immediately and he watched Loki's body tense. He let out a sigh. He didn't know why he thought he had to hide his emotions from him. "Loki, tell me whats wrong..." he said, offering his support like he had many times in the past but instead of being met with an appreciative green gaze he found himself staring at Loki's tense body.

        When did things get like this? When did his brother turn away from him, when did he become so distant?

        Loki let out a heavy sigh which shook despite his best efforts to keep his breath steady. "It's nothing for you to concern yourself with" he said. Ordinarily his tone might've been harsh perhaps even cruel but he was so exhausted that his words fell flat. Years of lying had made him weary and he, for once in his life, wanted to just be himself, even if that meant he was a miserable fool. In the relative silence of the room he heard his brother's footsteps approach. Soon he felt the weight of his muscular mass of a brother sit on the opposite edge of the bed and a hand rest on his shoulder. He took a breath, inhaling a deep wave of cooling air, and let it out, allowing his eyes to fall closed.

"Im sorry" he said softly before he fell, without coaxing, into a deep sleep.