Flaws (Dan Smith Bastille Fanfiction)

Chapter Fifty Four - Born with nothing

I stared at him, frowning.

-That doesn't make any fucking sense.

-It does, and deep down, you know I'm right.

I tried very hard  to hold back the tears, but just couldn't. I began sobbing, drying my cheeks with the sleeves of the gown I had put on. I felt lost, and so, so alone. Like I hadn't since the moment I met Dan. He had filled the emptiness inside me all this time, and I had never given him credit for it. I was such a stupid, ungrateful twat. 

I felt he sat by me, but I could not see anything through the tears. He put his arm around me and attracted my head to his chest. I cried in his arms until I felt there were no tears left in my body. He patiently and quietly waited for me to be able to do anything other than grizzle.

When I looked up, I could see his cheeks were damp, too. He had been quietly crying with me. I kissed his face, until it was dry again. He didn't react at all. 

-This is the worst day of my life. - I whispered, thinking how ironical it was that it had been the best one of my dear sisters' life.

-I doubt there will be a worse one for me. - He answered. - But we should sleep. I have a flight to catch at noon.

I was brutally reminded of why I had thought it was a good idea to split up in the first place. It was there, ever present: he had to go. Again. For God only knows how long this time. And how far. I felt tired, sad, yet relieved. This was the last goodbye. The final one.

He helped me stand up and we laid on the bed together. He put his arms around me and I held him tight.

-What will become of me? - I said with the most tired voice.

-I don't know, Annie. I know I will go back to plan A in my life: grow old alone.

-Don't say that.

-I had already envisioned my life like this. No fuss. It isn't as terrible as society wants you to think. - He smirked. - You were a nice surprise, the best one. Maybe I didn't deserve you. I'm grateful for the time you were lent to me. Best year of my life, what we had, what we built... it was amazing.

-Everything's lost now.

-I guess so. And at the same time, it will be there forever... at least here - he pointed at his heart - and here - he hit his forehead with his index finger - I wouldn't change anything. I had nothing before you, I have nothing now, but right there in the middle, there was you. And that is a huge consolation.

-We have nothing again.

-But we did once.

-

When I woke up, Dan was coming out of the bathroom. He didn't notice I was awake as he walked towards the bed with a towel around his waist, steam coming out of his beautiful body. He sat down and  proceeded to put on fresh clothes, his back turned to me. He smelt like heaven. I sat up and touched his shoulder. I felt like he was a thousand miles away already. He was no longer my loving boyfriend. He was just another person in the world now. And it hurt so bad.

He turned around, he looked so tired. Almost dead inside.

-Do you think... when you're ready... you can come visit again?

He frowned and bit his lips.

-When I'm ready. I don't know when that will be.

-I thought so.

He finished getting dressed, grabbed his bag and walked to the door.

I stood up and ran after him. He turned around and I threw myself into his arms. He held me tight and whispered in my ear.

-I love you, Ann. I'm leaving you so you can be loved by someone who can give you what you need.

He opened the door, gave me one last sad look and was gone. I stood there, with a blank expression for a while, and then went to sit on the bed again.

-You are what I need... - I whispered as I curled up, feeling like the whole world was crashing up on me.