i will always love you, even if it hurts

pain is slowly forgotten

"jihoon? are you okay?" woojin sat beside me and put his arms around my shoulder.

i couldn't say anything. i don't know, i just felt so small. i just cried and slowly lean on woojin's shoulder. he's not saying anything either, he just rubs my back and it calms me a bit somehow.

"i don't know what happened, but if you're not comfortable sharing it with me, that's fine. you can cry on my shoulders all night if you want."

slowly, i try to calm myself. when i'm calmed enough to speak. i look at woojin and said, "i saw daniel with someone else"

and woojin doesn't respond. but i feel that he tightened his shoulders around me.

"i already knew that he's having an affair, but seeing them together..."

and the tears starts to fall down my cheeks again. and woojin hold my hand. "have you talked to daniel regarding his affair?"

"i want to talk to him but he's always busy. i don't know what to do, it's just so painful"

"you need to talk to him jihoon and tell him how you feel"

"i'm scared woojin. i don't know what to say to him. i love him so much but i don't know if he still loves me"

"that's why you need to confront him. ask him if he still loves you. ask him if he's still willing to save your relationship. and it's up to you if you're going to fight for your relationship or let go. just remember that i'll be always here for you if you need someone to lean on"

"thank you woojin, i don't know what will i do if you're not here with me now. i really appreciate everything that you've done to me. i don't know how to repay you.

"just drink with me again some other time" and he smiles, showing off his snaggletooth.

and i hear someone screaming..

"jihoon!! where are you?please baby"

and he spots us sitting behind the tree.

"jihoon? baby? please can we talk?"

and woojin released me slowly while looking at daniel. "i'll see you on monday in the office, okay?" and he walks away from me and daniel.

"jihoon, let me explain please"

"you don't have to explain daniel. everything that i saw a while ago explains everything. i already knew your cheating on me but i stayed quiet, hoping that you'll realize what you're doing is a mistake, but i'm wrong. you don't have any plans on leaving him while here you are still calling me baby" i stand up and walks away from him, but daniel grabs my wrist.

"please listen to me jihoon, sungwoon is just a fling. i don't love him. it's you that i love, you know that. i will never replace you, i love you so much jihoon, please i'm sorry baby, i'll end everything with him i promise"

and i see tears coming from daniel's pleading eyes. i want to hug him right now and say ok i believe you, but what if he's lying to me again. i really want to give him a chance, i really do.

"baby please, forgive me. i love you so much. i'm really sorry. i know i fucked up, but pls. give me another chance. i'll do everything to make it up to you. just don't leave me jihoon. i love you."

and he closes the gap between our bodies and hug me. and my arms are slowly moving towards his back. a few moments ago, i just want to slap him, punch him and scream at him, and ask him why did he do that, but i don't know why, i just hug him back. the warmth of his body is what i missed. i missed it so much that i started crying again and i can feel daniel's sobbing. i missed this. his scent, his touch, his warmth, god i miss him so much. i decided to pushed all my doubts, my anger, my questions, the pain aside, just this moment, to relive this feeling, the feeling of being loved.

we're both still crying and he holds my face, wipe the tears that still flowing down my cheeks and he slowly kissed me in the forehead. his breath, his soft lips, i missed it so much.

"let me fix everything, jihoon. i promise i'll make it up to you. just give me a chance to prove that you're the only one i love. what you say baby, can you give me that chance?"

"okay" is the only word that i was able to utter at that moment.

and he kisses my lips gently.

the pain is still there but slowly forgotten.